she was
defected
in some ways
more than
others
and they all
bragged
senselessly
telling each
other why
they were
more imperfect
than the next
it wasn’t
something
she was
proud of
even the
important
things lacked
but in shades
they would
insalivate into
nameless flaws
and errors saw
the road they
traveled
where even
her good
qualities
were cheap
and itchy
sweaters
Author notes
The real title is: Coroner's Closet. Titled 'Zillion' for this contest.
A contest entry
- 100th Contest ....for my Favorites by MuddyKing.
10000 points, ended September 23, 2007, 23 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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speaking of insecurities
I can only imagine the depths they travel...I can recall times in my life having conversations such as this...almost to the point of wearing repressed guilts like a badge of honor...harsh upon oneself sometimes makes us more vulnerable to uplift...perhaps I may not understand completely the intentions here...I do know what I ponder from your words...itchy humm...I think wool
Mal
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you know I lost you during the name change...it was Faithful Dreamer?
It seems I began reading this new find Zillion and became more and more a fan...when I finally realized, I was able to see a transformation of sorts and this entry is why you are a favorite...I love the title...especially when it adds to the piece in a subtle way, almost like an extra line.
excellent
peace and hugs
Muddy
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Yes, it was Faithful Dreamer. How did you figure out? lol I guess writer's styles change a lot, and mine is owed greatly to this site. Thanks Muddy.
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I give you three clappies for the itchy sweaters.
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I like the use of skewed symmetry in this, as well the subtle shifting from adjective to verb form (defected instead of defective for example - shifting from adjective to intransitive ver
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"itchy sweaters" is an excellent final image.
Nicely penned indeed.
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the first four stanzas are sooo perfectly quoteable.
I constantly think about how a lot of people like to advertise and boast about their imperfections and disorders... & I try to understand why-- the attention? the reassuring "nooo you're perfect"? I don't know.
But either way, this piece is beautiful, and you have still not written a single piece that I haven't loved.
& I know this is silly, but I especially love the way you separate your lines and stanzas. It's just.... beautiful. It always adds so much to the powerful words you use and the beautiful images you create. You're just... a really good writer. -
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Aw, thank you. You always make my day with your encouraging comments. I always love to hear what other people think about my stuff, as I know we all do, so it's flattering to have someone who consistently reads my things. It makes me think that maybe I'm not so boring. lol
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Wow
Well now you definitely painted a powerful image with this poem. Very skillful and well done. Best of luck in the contest.
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Thank you penman, for your encouraging comments.
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