For some reason we love to equate the end of a relationship with something being broken. He broke her heart--they broke up--she broke his guitar. But I'm starting at the end so let me back up for a minute and go back to the beginning...
Cherry had been born boring and bored. Imagine her mother in the throes of labour thinking about which floral wallpaper would go best with her new mahogany buffet, trying to pretend that nothing messy was happening to her vagina. Cherry probably came out yawning and demanding to be taken to London for high tea. Knowing Cherry's mother Immaculate Conception seemed as likely as the alternative which is sex that could only have sounded like a grocery list. An orgasm that probably went something like..."Oh yeah, right there, mmmm...remind me tomorrow we're almost out of milk...yeah..."
Inspired by her mother’s love of soft pink blossoms you'd still hope Cherry's name might’ve given her a little edge. You're probably picturing a 40's pin-up girl with jet-black hair, big tits, cuffed jeans and red sling-back heels. You might like to imagine she walks around snapping her fingers to jazz music only she can hear. You're on the right track, now just picture the opposite. That's not to say that she wasn't an attractive girl. Only that this is a book you can judge by its cover.
So yes, they broke up. And yes, she did break his guitar and good for her because no, he did not break her heart; it was broken to start. Instead when he left he broke Cherry herself-- shattering a grown woman into a thousand pieces of beige, oatmeal, sand, taupe. Beige, oatmeal, sand, taupe. Varieties of plain. But you already know that Cherry had gone through life up until this point yawning most of the time so I need to tell you that brokenness...is not always a bad thing. Some of us need to be broken and so we need to start looking at endings as beginnings and mistakes as chances to grow and see that sometimes it's when we're in pieces that we become stronger than we've ever been.
Author notes
A work in process. Part of a bigger piece.
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
-
Wow.
wow.
I feel like you wrote this for me...
-Cheers -
-
Wicked! I'm glad you're picking up what I'm throwing down. This was sort of a more poetic version of a story I'm working on. It is based on a real person but I definitely took some poetic license.
-
-
The grammar needed to be fixed and also the punctuation. Forexmpale a comma instead of the perioud beside "big tits" and a comma after "cuffed jeans"
Also a comma after "some" since you want the reader to pause.
Remember anywhere you want the reader to pause is wher you put the comma. Now you put a period also if you wan t the reader to pause longer beforeyou reach to a new sentence...
I think this has potential if you fix the erros. I have to reread this after that is done... -
-
Well, that's actually an outdated rule about commas from what I learned in college English but yes, I have realized that grammatically it's pretty messed up adn I'm working on fixing it up. It's not near done. Thanks for the feedback.
-
-
This, so far, is really pretty good. I like it. it's not like rhyming, I love this kind of writing. good work! keep it up! can't wait to see more of it!
I'll be keeping an eye out for it. lmao!
Crimson
Adding your comment:
1 - 5 of 5
