The clockface says early morning
Still awake here thinking of you
It's just a crush, just a crush
So why do I feel so anxious?
Wanna see your eyes as they explore mine
Though I can never hold your gaze
I suppose I'm weak
Trying to see through all this haze
That's shrouding over the truth of you and me
Help me, now
'Til I find your light
Please baby, for tonight
Can I just watch you shine?
Author notes
This is kind of a song, so I put lyrics for a category, but it's really short as of now. I might add onto it later. But really, I just want some feedback to make it better. It was written at 1:30 in the morning in about 45 seconds. So..yep.
booga booga
A contest entry
- Wat u think bout love ♥ by loveaswellashate.
375 points, ended August 19, 2007, 42 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Critique this...I need feedback
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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I really enjoyed this poem especially the last two lines!!
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It's very pretty. I'm impressed by the emotion even short it still holds the same punch as if it were longer. It's a very good write I hope to read more of it. Keep up the good work.
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quoting you;
'Watch You Shine
The clockface says early morning
Still awake here thinking of you
It's just a crush, just a crush
So why do I feel so anxious?'...
i know the feeling oh so well I do...
and you write of it so nicely too...
thank you for sharing with me and all your friends here.... -
This is really good.. i liked it.. sry its taking so long to judge the contest.. the break is ending and everything is crazy so thanks for ur patients..
Laters
Loves..*hugs* -
Considering I know what was going on while you were writing this piece, I think the reflection of your thoughts was put down into a poem very well. I can see you struggling with this situation a lot through this, and I could almost hear both the pain of not knowing and the anxiousness to find out. GREAT emotion. You deserve many applauses.
Oh and I have faith in your plans. I think your doubts will go away soon.
Well I can't think of much more to say other than that I very much enjoyed this one. Keep writing!!!!!
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Excellente'
I Love it.Beautiful, Through and Through~~~~Short, Sweet, and To The Point!!! 'God Bless You'.Love, SHirley ann shaw-raytown,mo...................
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