In quiet, wee hours
when abandoned fears
and reticent restful bonds
take hold,
*
fanciful thoughts dance
amongst silky purple drapes
wafting
in scented breezes.
*
Somniferous shadows wait
to greet curious dreamers
with harbored desires
sorely relished.
*
Briefly, these treasures last
until next we fall weary,
eager to surrender
once again.
Author notes
(2007RC116) My intent when I wrote this, was to convey the profound introspection and peace that can be found
as we eagerly retreat to the world of dreams.
In a list
A contest entry
- Poetic Beauty. by Poetryintheblood.
350 points, ended August 12, 2007, 11 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Make Me Think by Carve In Technetium.
470 points, ended September 21, 2007, 47 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - There Lingers A Poet by brentsrich.
1800 points, ended August 13, 2007, 15 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - The Raven Contest: Uncovering Genius in the Written Word by Raven Contest.
14500 points, ended October 1, 2007, 53 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
-
MJ
Congratulations on the HM in the Annual Raven award. Well deserved!
PJ -
My favorite part was the sweet feeling of peace. It relaxes the mind. I really like the scene you painted in words for the readers to see. The flows is very good. For those who can not fall to sleep. They will tell you sleep and dreams are a treasure. A good night sleep recharges for the next day. I think you did a great job in capturing the feelings of that moment.
This write is creative in thought and feeling.
I personally enjoyed the read. Truly wish you the best in this contest. -
I think you have artfully created an observation here that is at once beautiful and tragic. Too often the stuff of dreams, the pleasant, easing, if-only sort of wishfullness that we long for to replace the all too real confines of our daily lives become the existance we long for more than the other. I was going to mention that you might have touched on this a bit in the text of the piece, but I think, in retrospect, that you have given it all the treament it really needs here in the final stanza of the poem.
The second stanza is home to most of the work's imagrey, and (truthfully) it works fine, in the poetic sense, by putting a "face" to the activity described, yet somehow it feels like it is part of some ontold story. Perhaps this feeling pervades in my mind because it is only part of the piece that couldn't be applied generically to anyone reading it. The rest of the work feels like it could just as easily be me, you, or anyone: while the second stanza makes me think of a summer-time bedroom, on the ocean, clean and comfortable. In modern day living this can often be as much a dream as anything else. It seemse a border has been crossed in this sense so that the poem is portraying a dreamer awake AND asleep. If this is nonsensical I apologize: it is probably part of the process everyone goes through when working out meaning from art.
Overall I have a very positive feeling here. You have used a skilled word count to address a thought or feeling that hovers in the twilight; it's simply not something we are likely to discuss much outside of the occasional therapy appointment. I will enjoy re-reading this in the month to come.
Thank you for your entry.
~Das -
thanks for mentioning the drapes
-
I think this is poem demonstrates excellently how the minutes or even the briefest of moments before we finally fall asleep can feel so wonderfully peaceful. I’m sure most readers of this work will know how it feels to need sleep, particularly after a stressful day, yet it sometimes eludes us as we churn thoughts over in our minds. There comes a point where, just before we finally drift off, we are totally at peace, a brief moment when the world seems right and no problem on Earth can invade. I’ve often thought it would be fantastic if we could make that moment last longer but unfortunately we can’t.
Although this poem is fairly short there is much in it that pleases me and I think the shortness reflects the brief moment that the author has written about. It reads with a calm smoothness that entices the reader into the realm of dreams. I really like the image created in the lines “fanciful thoughts dance / amongst silky purple drapes.” The use of alliteration in the lines “and reticent restful bonds” and “Somniferous shadows wait” adds greatly to this work for me. Again the imagery in stanza three is pleasing. In the last stanza I think the layout of the words adds to the feeling of falling asleep with the lines becoming shorter as they proceed to the conclusion.
Congratulations on reaching the final round of the Raven Contest 2007 and good luck with this entry.
Northern Raven
-
I like the way you've woven a dreamy, rhythmic piece, almost as though echoing the soft breath heard in darkened bedrooms. This has a nice, calm quality about it, which fits well with the theme.
I was thrown by the "wee hours", however. I first thought this was about insomnia, largely because of this opening line. Overall, well done.
Thanks for entering -
Thank you for your beautiful entry Josephine
-
there seems to be something almost bittersweet in this write , but I can't quite put my finger on it....nor is it sinking in right now if you enjoy those moments of harbored desires or if you would rather not have them [as they have to be relinquished]But I do not need to completely "understand" every poem that I read , sometimes I actually like trying to figure it out [even if I come up with a complete different interpretation than the author had in mind. So that said, I enjoyed this one quite a bit [maybe because it did make me think]
reenie
Adding your comment:
1 - 8 of 8
