“Imagine these thoughts
are a tremendous weight
and you can carry them
no further,”
*
hearing only a
garbled muffled voice,
his attention elsewhere;
*
he remembered
the stray dog he once befriended
over there
that oddly enough,
gave him comfort, it didn’t hate him,
it was just hungry,
starved for affection.
*
“Michael, Michael…
are you alright?”
The psychiatrist exclaimed.
*
Am i ok?
How utterly ridiculous that sounded
he thought, why
was he even there.
*
He wanted to go home
to dream of days when
wars
were furthest
from his mind.
*
There it goes again,
that phantom itch
on a leg
that isn’t there.
In a list
A contest entry
- IMPRESS ME by BittersweetPhantasm.
850 points, ended August 18, 2007, 13 entries
Honorable winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - PTSD is your inspiration by ArmorXForXSleep.
600 points, ended September 21, 2007, 13 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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Wow. The ending leaves so many questions in the readers mind. The fact that you're so open about your life, therapy and experiences you've had excites me, it's like peeking into your brain and picking out facts from your life. Great write, stoic in nature.
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Oh, and I have both of my legs, I just added that for effect, but I do see a shrink every year.
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I kinda figured that much, but it is almost a symbolism for something else that was lost
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Sometimes.. We lose ourselves
Confused
And heart broken..
Nothings wrong with us
The words flickering through our head.
Spacing out randomly,
feeling things,
that aren't there
and not feeling
the ones that are
~*~*~
Here's to solving the problem. (Which by no means, means a therapist.)
Good luck in the contest
-Danneh<3 -
huh - i don't think i've ever read a poem like this before. at first i was confused but once i got into it i found i liked it.
well done and good luck -
Wow!
The ending says so much! Very deep and very profound!
How often times I think such thoughts in some spiritual battle, but to relate it to the physical, is so much more human and somehow you have related that to me here in this write! The phantom itch on a leg that isnt there.......powerful!
Great read!
Annette
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Loved the opening, it sets the piece up perfectly.
The next stanza, I would consider removing the word "was" from the last line. Just a small thing really.
Stanza three, "it was just hungry" I would put on a separate line.
"Am i ok? He thought…
how utterly ridiculous that sounded.
He wasn’t even sure why
he was there."
Honestly I am not sure I feel about that stanza. The beginnging with the question works well with the above stanza but the wording didn't work as well for me with the rest (of that stanza).
Phantom pain stanza, excellent and would prove to be a more powerful ending than the final stanza.
Always just my opinion.
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