Random Thoughts After You Left

If you are empty and empty means nothing, does that make you nothing?

    I sit in the loneliest crowd, surrounded by friends wearing the masks of my most reviled denouncers.
  While topaz eyes of a four legged child are the only ones that seem to see the real person I am.

Sometimes it sounds as if songs were written just to stab at me with lyrical cynicism and gleeful malice.
And the Gods allow everyone around me to fall in love as I lay broken at the bottom.

I try to force out the words that would express my displeasure in you
But I’m sick of writing “I hate you” a thousand times.
Nothing stings like you still calling me “babe” on the phone.
I hear the static that your heart throws out, and it sickens me in a way that scares me.
I’ve tired to look through the eyeholes of the mask you wear
But how does one listen to someone’s Emotionally ADD heart that beasts out of rhythm.

I chase the shadow of some ghostly chance while my past mistakes haunt me down in the dangerous forest of Guilty Pleasure.
            Pretense of love is far crueler than lack of it.

When home is no longer a sanctuary, but the foulest prison ever constructed
And the life of your party is a rotting corpse of broken dreams, maybe you should just leave.

I want to get somewhere new… a place called Away- I hear its nice this time of year.
Why should you walk away when all that does is force you to walk in circles so that you end up in the place you’re trying to escape?
Why is that while you are here you are gone?

And why is it that I try to hold to things that were never real?