You were seven
and I was five
Our lives our parents
would want to contrive
You were twelve
and I was ten
We'd play together
again, and again
You were eighteen
and I was sixteen
You saw the beauty
that you've never seen
You asked me out
and I said yes
We had our first fight
But never would digress
We hung out
all the time
I was hoping
that you'd always be mine
You took me out
to my favorite spot
and got down on one knee
and told me you loved me a lot
Now you're eighty seven
and I'm eighty five
We have two grandkids
and I'm glad to be alive
Author notes
I got inspiration from taylor swifts, "My oh my"
A contest entry
- Awe so cute.. Come take a look. by delightfulmess.
550 points, ended August 11, 2007, 8 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Like Music? Enter Now! by Athena of Starlite.
800 points, ended December 20, 2007, 18 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - All about love. by OurxBeginning.
300 points, ended June 24, 2008, 19 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
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A cute write, something I hope happens to myself. Nice rhyming in this, non forced. I'll have to check out the song. Thanks for entering and good luck.
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I absolutely love this poem and the story behind it. It makes me think of a romantic movie, and when I read it I play a video in my head. But once again I think you need to add punctuation to your poetry to help define everything. And the second to last line should be "we have TWO grandkids"; you spelt it "to".
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This is soooo sweet! It is the perfect fairytale but it also has reality of everything thrown in. Cuz of you guys having a fight and all. Anyway, this was awesome and it was so perfect...great piece!
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I like it I really think it is cute.
You have quite an imagination. This is what most of us dream of as are growing up, to be able to grow up and marry our childhood sweetheart, and have that marriage last a life time. This poem leaves a satisfying immage in the mind.I liked all of this poem, but would change the third line to "growing up together" and the forth line to "we would thrive".I think it would flow a bit smoother that way, and for me wouldn't sound quite so awkward. I liked the title it embodies what the poem is about. The first line starts the formative years off to a good start and the last line sums the poem up properly. I would not change any thing else. This is a great poemMost especially because it was written by someone so young I liked it a lot. And I could feel the love and devotion a couple like that would share. -
I liked this it is cute
My fist impression is of a lifetime of love and devotion. My favorite parts of the poem were every thing but the first stanza. The first stanza seemed a bit awkward to me. I felt a life time of love and devotion this poem just exudes with the love you show by your written words.Growing together is just what this poem is all about. The first line sets the tone . The last line sums the whole poem up. I don't know how this would sound to you, but I would change the third lines to "growing up together, we would thrive". There is nothing else I would change. Overall I just loved this poem. Most marriages don't last this long. You both have been blest.
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Cutes. Wouldnt it be great if we all could experience a love like this. =)
My favorite part was "You saw the beauty
that you've never seen" They grew up together, but he wasnt able to see her in that way until they were older and it was the right time.
Well done.
Thanks for your kind words on my poem, Beautiful Misery.
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amazing dear amazing
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Aww thats so cute!! Good luck in the contest!
~Michaela~ -
This was really cute <3
The only thing was the 6th stanza. It seemed forced; "and told me you loved me a lot." Other than that, it was seriously good ^_^ -
This is very well writen dear...I loved it...All the best in the contest..
Your Ap Aunt...
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OH MY this was great,
Love this
Great job thank you for entering my contest.
delila
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