long past midnight
I feel the wind change, stuck
at your approach, it destroys
everything
the magic comes slower now
old hands, old hearts, old words, the
first vivid blunders of youth
that made it still fun
I'm an
an old dog
sleeping near the fire
full of ache, and
memories
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 24 of 24
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O.O amazing
i so want to know how to write like that man that's completely ** there ain't now word to describe that
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Hood Winked!!
What a great introduction it drew me in to read more.
Well you held my attention as you directed my thoughts were racing vivid imagery playing out....then you took a twist and I do enjoy a twisted poem ..... life gets like that but old dogs should be able to just lay by the fire and dream. Very touching poem it reaches deep. This poetic journey a pleasure thank you.
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is this a type of flashback thing...anyways it is really good i like it a lot!!!
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Oh, there's life in the old dog yet my love
I like your poems, they all seem delicate somehow. For some reason I feel that this could be improved with a continuous metaphor; changing from thoughts about wind in the night to magic, to colour, to an old dog just doesn't seem consistent enough.
I understand the sentiments though, my boyfriend's 27 and he tells me things like this sometimes.
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Know just how you feel
I understand this one perfectly
In its honor my cat lets me write
This is just how I feel currently
My body has gone out on strike
--Ellis
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This kind of feels melancholy, like a remembrance of times past when excitement was in the air and love was new. The reference to "old" in the poem is like a longing for the way things use to be. A stroll down memory lane of sorts.
I enjoyed reading it though and it flows nice.
Becky
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"I feel the wind change, stuck
at your approach, it destroys
everything"
I love this. I think this perfectly conveys the undertones of resentment one can feel for someone they've been around for a long time. Whether or not you're actually describing a person, the sentiment is right, I think.
There are contrasting moments of blunt spite and curious melancholy in this piece that I find very alluring.
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nice. I like it because well, it shows that to make a poem you dont have to make it rhyme. i'm one who makes rhyiming poems but i think this waz really good.
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i love your work because it is so simple,but so good. that is what great poetry is all about; simplicity that still has the power to make your hair stand on end.
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I like it, Kevin
I especially enjoyed the first two stanzas.
The last stanza was well-expressed, but I was a bit hung up on its first two lines: "I'm an/an old dog" - I think that would be better written as "I am/an old dog".
I loved the images this poem brought up, also the familiarity of an achy, reminiscent old dog.
I think "sleeping near the fire" adds an interesting side to this piece... it's almost a hint of danger, yet of warmth and comfort - as though the things that you love, that bring you comfort and happiness, are also somewhat dangerous for you - you realize you could get burned by those you love.
The more I read it, the more I think this is an awesome poem. It really describes, so vividly, that point in a relationship where it isn't really new anymore, but it hasn't completely waned either.
We're not old and useless yet, my friend, but we're certainly not getting any younger.
Excellent piece!
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A good beginning of an idea, but the imagery is too heavy.
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The final two stanzas work well together. I especially love the image of the dog.
I'm getting stuck at your approach on the first stanza, also "it destroys everything" is not gelling for me, either.
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Not certain if you need the comma in the second to the last line, either that or bring and down to the next line with memories. Just a thought, though..I've been trying very hard not to end my lines with 'and.' Comma splicing is also a challenge for me
but working on that, too
Ok on to emotion:
Yes. lol. I donno, there is sort of a bogged down feeling to me, like you know too much, now. I think it happens to most people at some point, I know it has happened to me. Love the way you used the old dog as an image ...
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This is such a great and deep write. I loved every stanza, they all had some great story to tell. I like the first stanza especially. great write.
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again great composition! at least you're sleeping by the fire and not in the dog house :-)
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This is ok. I think you should focus on the description of the imagery a bit... also black clouds growing seems quite too chessy but I thought this was good. It ok be because of the background not working for these lines...
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what did you mean about the background? And I edited it some, thanks for the cliche-alert!
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I went to my first class reunion two weeks ago and there she was and she would'nt even look at me. Life sure is funny. Csammons2@yahoo.com -
definitely intriguing... I like
the imagery and comparisons...
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mehbee ya gots to bee auld, like i is, ta reely grahsp whatcher sayin, eh lad? i know the black cloud growing, seen it far off a long while back, remember that it was a great distance away, see it now as something much closer, more ominous. A wonderful poem, Kevin - shows a depth i'd not realized you posessed, indicates a wisdom which will guide you well.
blessings and best wishes,
~richard;f
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Interesting.
Aden Recreated
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this is so nostalgic, I really love this piece! great write
♥
whisper
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I like this poem, short and gets the point across in a gentle way. Very good job......btw metaphors are my favorite! lol
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hmmm I wonder what happened. The metaphor in this is really deep, and it made me think for abit. Better watch out though, never know when the wind could change again
Good one
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