the old days
before we sailed away
rain & tears & blood
mixed together in that
primordial creation that
sweeps around
conquering us again
and again, in the end
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
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reminiscent
... somethings you can't move away from... pain, hunger... mortality.
You can change direction, instigate a new perspective... be born again but certain elements of being human can not be outran... nor should they be. It's what separates us... from our environment and even one another.
Perhaps in the next hemisphere... rain, tears and blood won't touch our skin but something will rise to take its place. Without some form of adversity, purpose is yielded.
I liked it. So short & concise I could almost read anything into it. But, all in all, that's what I saw.
Kudos, Kj
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I like it. It's both simple and powerful at the same time. I also like your use of enjambment and am intrigued by your lack of punctuation and capitalization.
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i like this. its very well written.
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The Cycles of Life
If you were me you would see
in my body's enormous complexity
that it still works enough to be
writing this without perplexity
Cause what I've got is still not
enough to sweep me down
Parkinson's won't, Kevin Watt,
get me to wear a frown
I have no fear, there's so much here
to keep me occupied
You put in gear all this good cheer
You must be filled with pride
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I actually liked the simplicity of rain& tears& blood....I wouldn't doubt that most words we choose to use have been used at least a million and one times by everybody else. Nice job with this!
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i really like this poem and it is so well written.
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"primordial" -- love that word, it adds a lot of power to your piece.
"rain & tears & blood" -- a little clichéd if you ask me, but it does convey feeling.
"sweeps" and "again and again" -- this part gives an almost cyclic feeling, reminiscent of the 'circle of life'. Lovely & smooth nostalgic atmosphere.
DancingRed.
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briefly stated
and powerful... definitely thought provoking...
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Nice....leaves one thinking....
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dude this is f'in deep. i like it though it gives me mixed feelings but this is good. it feels like it has been pened from the heart and soul. good job dude.
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I am not sure how this makes me feel..somewhat at a loss,"inevitable" springs to mind, "preordained" is another that wants recognition. Don't be offended, my mind is on go slow and it takes me a while to get the old grey cells to function
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drizzle and gashes and blood........idk those are diffrent words for rain and tears and blood.....i'm to tired to think well for words lol so yea. But nice poem, meaning is important this has meaning.
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rain & tears & blood
I've learned here that those words are said a lot..maybe use another metaphor for those. I am trying not to use so many common words now. Like the saying primordial creaton, that's unique
The hard times makes us stronger, therefore allowing us to conquer and we move upword and on
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