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spiral


last night
I peered into
my navel looking
for metaphors -

there was lint
& small folds
that spiralled into
a flower [ not unlike
               those
               unwanted blossoms
               of skin & age
               elsewhere ]

& my mother's
face,

left behind
with my first

cut.

 

 

 

In a list

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think (Critical Honesty Appreciated)

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Comments

1 - 12 of 12

  • tara wilson gold member
    September 19, 2007

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    Thank you so much for this entry, I love the opening lines


  • freestallion
    September 18, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    OH wow! This poem left me absolutely breathless. It was so gorgeous. The metaphors are so fresh, so unique and so creative.

    "last night
    I peered into
    my navel looking
    for metaphors -"

    simply beautiful..


  • AJ Morelli gold member
    August 14, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    the cutting of the actual physical connection to your mother at birth, a wonderful take on the theme... very strong metaphorical value as well... funny how poetry is often compared to navel gazing, your poem make me see that in a new light...

    i think this is really good, thanks for entering


    al


  • Heart Sutra
    August 14, 2007
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    This is intense.


  • Cat
    August 12, 2007

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    i like the poem really well.. and after each read i think.. wow.. i really like this piece.. and then i think- a beautiful connection?- i dont see it.
    any thoughts?

    m


    • EvilKate
      August 13, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      From me - or everyone in general

      I mean, I have a few - but isn't it gauche for a poet to interpret their own work? Or is that just me again


  • -ButterflyCuts-
    August 12, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Mmmm... this is nice.

    The end could have several possibilities, each with an eternal connection.

    I lke the subject choice, but the fact that it is not in any way soppy..

    lovely stuff


    • EvilKate
      August 12, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      Thanks. My biggest concern was not getting soppy. The first 3 or 4 versions were abysmal - so it's nice to hear someone thinks it got there, eventually


  • Watuwant silver member
    August 10, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Ahhh, this is quite the poem. I often study my own navel, and thought I was the only one! Indeed, I'm contemplating saving all the lint I collect, to pass on to my kids so they too can ponder such things!
    This is good writing, and a pleasure to read.
    peace
    doug

  • Yvette Champ gold member
    August 10, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    This is quite something,the searching of the navel indicative of self searching self from the very concept of creation,the imagery of the folds of flesh at as flower adds growth and prettiness to the garden,to see the mothers face in the first cut is powerful,it is the severing of the umbilical cord that has sustained life that gifts the next stage,to breath life in,the cut is both a separation and a liberation yet it is the kindest cut of all,what a beautiful connection,though their is a physical separation the connection remains for all time,one end of the cord takes the mother back to the bounty of birth as a culmination ,a coming to fruition of creation and the other end the beautiful beginning that gifts the journey,I like where the poetess went with her inspiration.Neat.


  • alexandrathegreat
    August 9, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    LOL this is quite funny. Thanks for the err... delicious read


  • transcendental baby gold member
    August 9, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Oh! What an unusally lovely way to show the connection

1 - 12 of 12