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The Greatest Battle

Anger that festers in the center of oblivion
Scorched in the sin of a choir's silence
Within a broken clock, hours pass in muted rhythm

Swelling red stars are blistering our eyes
Corrupting that which is an interrupted heart
We fall beneath forgotten friends to remember lies

Where rotten apples are laid to rest within their incense
Playing heinous games with the poison teasing it's veins
Taking to battle this intriguing fruit and savoring the malevolence

This is the feeling that keeps our hearts from breathing
The rage that drowns our memories in acidic fortune
An eternal wound that keeps our joy forever bleeding

  To see it would be to accept the
        Antidote, buried beneath a
          Twisting chaos.  The Seed
                  That is the Heart
                          Of poison
                            And sin.

Author notes

I can't think of a title...
I wrote this for something for school xD in a response to another poem, something abotu A poison tree maybe? hmmmm good thing it wasn't for a grade
honest opinions pleeeee-is ^-^

Someone help me think of a title?

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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Comments

1 - 11 of 11

  • DeathlyAngel
    June 5, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Very good sista but not what i'm looking for sadly but i have enough inspiration but i well keep it in my contest b/c i really enjoyed it


  • joelegy
    March 5, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    VERY NICE!!

    be-a-utiful first line!!! Or first verse. Both XD


    I really liked the whole poem. except maybe the first line of teh second vers.. possibly. Very nice tho!


  • Pandorea
    January 1, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    whoa...deep. kinda cnvoued, but pretty awesome. i love yor use of language...it's flowing and not dense but not simple.

    i like it. muchly


  • The Squeeze
    September 1, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    I'm rather confused, i won't deny it, but i can say with some surety that I agree with what has been said. The only thing that has me completey boggled is your last line, does it mean that the only way to remedy your problem is to accept it?



    Beautiful Neph


  • lucy sky-diamond
    August 29, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    this is amazing! so deep and very powerful, i love the shape you have crafted it into. very deep indeed, and great use of vocab. i think the title is great, 'the greatest battle' sums it up completely. a fitting suggestion from the comment below
    thanks for sharing

    lucy
    x-o-x


  • hks
    August 24, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    dude that is freaking deep

    =]

    i thinm u shud name it

    The Greatest Battle.
    bc thats what it is.
    =D

    or soemthing liek that.ish


  • xirshilittleperrax
    August 23, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    HAY! THIS IS BRILL! I relly like it and i have to say i loved this part *This is the feeling that keeps our hearts from breathing
    The rage that drowns our memories in acidic fortune
    An eternal wound that keeps our joy forever bleeding* AND *Where rotten apples are laid to rest within their incense
    Playing heinous games with the poison teasing it's veins
    Taking to battle this intriguing fruit and savoring the malevolence*.
    U DONT KNOW3 HOW GOOD THIS IS. Keep going bbz and never give up. lvu.


  • WinE-reDpuddles
    August 18, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    i luv the wordings in this. very descriptive! .. nice poem all in all... u gt lotsa talent great job

    This is the feeling that keeps our hearts from breathing
    The rage that drowns our memories in acidic fortune
    An eternal wound that keeps our joy forever bleeding


  • sidewinder silver member
    August 14, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    sometimes through life we each seek those lessons that teach us...
    even though those lessons aren't easy to learn....
    somehow we still learn them.
    Interesting perspective!
    Keep penning on one stroke at a time!


  • Dragonollia
    August 10, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Omg wow Nephy its been awhile since I read your poems and I am glad I read this one. Its so you and its so descriptive. Congrats on the fantastic write


  • SilverMoonFeathers
    August 9, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    wow this is awesome nepher btw its me Silky i love the poem its so society keep it up you are a talented writer

1 - 11 of 11