I.
Uncle Dwayne smoldered
for fifty years
between grandma’s white-washed walls
of German fear and cold-sweat shame.
He saw things
that creep in children’s closets,
protected by iniquities
of a crazy mind.
The voices he heard,
we could only imagine
as he muttered in reply.
God talked to him quite often,
making morbid requests
that he free himself of sin.
"Such a happy, silly boy!"
all the neighbors crooned.
Until one day the laughter
became lunatic
and grandpa slept with a loaded gun.
At Christmas and at Easter
uncle Dwayne paced an empty hallway.
Face blank, one hand deep
into plaid trouser pockets of despair.
A cigarette was always lit,
drifting from mouth to side
in repeated motions of contempt.
He never smiled.
He never looked you in the eye.
But God...how he could stare.
He never spoke
unless asked direct, a question.
Then, a monotone voice
raspy from disuse and nicotine,
filtered through fog and often froze,
as thoughts drifted off like snow
across black-ice highways.
I wondered where he really lived.
I thought some empty cabin
made of rotting wood and sticky mud.
High above in mountains,
decorated with a shrieking wind
and surrounded by a hundred
hungry, howling wolves,
always knocking...wanting...
waiting...to come in.
______________________________
II.
The funeral was tiny,
for he hadn’t any friends.
The family huddled in relief
to see this final passing.
Waving farewell with our hankies...
to the man who’d never been.
Author notes
By: trista
My uncle Dwayne became schizophrenic somewhere around age 19, back in a day when no one talked about such things, let alone saw a doctor. Grandma and Grandpa hid it from the family as long as they could. Over the years there was much speculation that maybe he’d tried some kind of drug that had permanently affected his mind. It wasn’t until years later that an official diagnosis was given and treatment started, but it did very little to help him at that point. It always made me sad to hear stories and see pictures of him as a smiling, happy child and teen.
A contest entry
- Poets Survivor -FINAL THREE -Round 14 (Semi-Finals; Doorway #2) by Ryno.
300 points, ended August 26, 2007, 3 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 18 of 18
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So sad
Very moving and thought provoking.
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So sad this is
I have a neice that is the same and often she will go off hermedications and do things that causes fear to all . You have penned this with love indeed and the passion a family only knows
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Woah Julie....
How come I never heard he was in our family?
Well, I guess now I know.
Congratulations on the Gold by the way
(&& I sooooo can't believe my momma' read this before I got to)
I really liked this... It kinda shows how different things were then than now. Now there really are people with some crazy-ness, and then, they wouldn't even admit it {let alone talk about it}
I was sad when I read this, but now I'm interested
I think it definitely saddens me how the ending went.
- a small funeral and only family members attended because he had no friends.
He was very much a loner.
I love what you have written
Kudos!
Sincerely,
Your AP daughter
~ dovey 
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Hi Honey,
I don't know why you didn't see this before; I'm surprised, actually.
I never thought about it, but I suppose most of this was before your time. Ask Grandpa sometime, or even Grandma, about Dwayne. Even recently, tiny pieces keep getting put together of what might have happened when he was in his teens. It's sad, but in a strange way, and even though I was always a little afraid of him, he found a special place in my heart. I suppose that's what family is all about.
Love ya lots,
your AP mom,
~J.
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......
that one painted a picture, for sure. GB -
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Not a real pretty piece, is it? Thanks for reading though, and leaving a comment.
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This was amazing! I felt that the images were stark and my favourite part was where you described his voice. I think some part of us will always fear something no matter how hard we try to extinguish it, and that fear may be called crazy [well, if you're me, you're dead if you say it in my face] but in fact they have some of the best reasoning that I am fascinated with. Anyway, enough of my ranting, this was excellent
Never ♥
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Impressive
You did very well with your words
Pleased to see this became a Gold
CooL, Rick
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I think you chose your topic really well; this is a character you were able to portray so strongly, and with such emotion, yet leave an underlying tone and message with in the poetry. Not only do we read the tragic story of Uncle Dwayne, but we also learn that things that are hidden can haunt us. Or maybe that it is best to tend to something right away.
Your emotion, line breaking and character are all penned very vibrantly and well. Your flow was the only thing I had trouble with. In the second part, by reading the second last ling, I assumed you were switching, grammatically, to present tense, but you didn't have the statement were the family huddled together in present tense, so it threw off the flow when I read "waving farewell with our hankies." Maybe thats just me. Also, "He’d never look you in the eye." I felt would read better as "He never looked you in the eye."
Overall, you've penned a super strong and creative poem. Very well done. -
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Hi Ryan,
I've had some time over the months to come back to this with a fresh eye and took at least one of your suggestions, did a little other tweaking here and there. I just wanted to say "thanks" for the challenge it was to write this piece for Poet's Survivor, and because I'm not sure it's a poem I ever would have finished without that push. I consider it one of my best poems despite the depressing nature.
I hope you're doing good...don't see a lot of you anymore but will try and pop in to see what you've been writing one of these days soon.
TY again,
~J. -
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Hey Trista,
I still remember this poem I am also glad you wrote... and glad to hear that you treasure it. That is what poets survivor is all about to help improve and challenge people
I havent been around much because I've been swamped with school but school will be over in 1 1/2 weeks!!!!
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Trista, this is so compelling. I simply adored the poems although the subject was heavy. You did an amazing job of describing both your family's reaction to Dewayne and amazingly, the kind of thoughts that may have gone through his troubled mind. It was incredible to me how well you captured his tormented state of mind. How sad for him and for your family. You really pulled us into his character and to the emotions of it all. A very well done piece. I loved the ending about the man that never was. My first reaction to the single stanza in section two, was that it was not enough, that more should have been added to that part of the saga; but after further thought, I decided that it was perfectly fitting for the ending to be so brief in comparison to the rest of the descriptive piece. Dewayne suffering was ended, his life was not celebrated by many and so the sad, short ending was a reflection of that whole episode.
This was a remarkable piece. Quite gripping on the heart. I really loved it!
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This is an amazing write, deep, captivating and totally connective emotionally. I loved it and a wonderful entry it is into this semi final Hugs, Bunny
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as a psychiatrist's wife, I am even more touched and concerned about such suffering than most "normal" humans ... I am also informed about the variety of treatments used in a not so distant past, and my eyes widened with horror when my husband told me about those methods ... as rick mentioned one of them, the use of electroshock was also commonplace, and sadly still is in some countries of the world ...
I have visited several psychiatric hospitals and was just terrified about those places and the lost souls captured within them ...
modern medicine uses chemical weapons which are not less radical than certain ancient techniques, and which leave the patient in life-long dependence, not to talk about the side-effects ...
your heartfelt poem reveals the feelings of the helpless and overwhelmed family-members who have no welcoming place to turn to and who feel outcast by society due to their fate of caring for a mentally handicapped person ...
I appreciate your neutral tone in this verse, you speak about the facts, even those which some may like to hide (the fact that the death of such a person is sometimes considered as a welcome relief) ...
thank you for sharing your intimate experience,
the best of luck in this round, my dear one,
marion
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Hi Marion,
Having limited knowledge myself of this illness, I could mostly only write what I observed and imagined. I was just a child myself at the time of his death. My uncle was born in the early 1930's...so yes...you can imagine the nightmare treatments of the time.
Thanks so very much for your understanding comment. I'm sure you know even better than I what this man's life must have been like.
Good luck to you this round also...I anxiously await your entry.
Much love ands
~J.
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Excellent
Amazingly complex and compelling subject to address in Free Verse, which you handled well. I dread our ignorance and apathy in handling this mental malady. Some were treated with the wonder procedure of the time, the Radical Lobotomy. You did a wonderfully job of conveying both the environment and the emotion of this man.
Thank you for the fine Authors Notes
I see your gift in this
Rick
PS: Happy Anniversary my Lovely Friend
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Hi Rick,
Thanks so much for your wonderful comment.
I started this poem months ago but was unable to finish it. The subject was painful, difficult, and my memories sketchy at best. I needed more details from my dad but hated to ask. I shoved it into a bottom drawer and finally took it out for this contest. It barely resembles the original, but I think having let it sit and stew in my mind made it better.
Always appreciate your comments, hon. And happy anniversary to you, too!
Much love,
~J.
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