The sand was warm beneath her feet
although the day was cold,
she moved a stray hair from her face
and wondered, am I old?
Imagining how she must look
to others passing by,
she couldn’t help but smile, and yet,
she didn’t quite know why.
Her stomach danced with butterflies
when she looked out to sea,
the waves were crashing at her feet
and she thought, am I free?
Her ankles stood amongst the foam
and seaweed hugged her toes;
the water rising rapidly,
how fast, she thought, it flows.
As harsher waves began to crash;
to chill her naked thighs,
she didn’t even feel the cold
or note the ocean rise.
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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Hello, Scotslass,
This is so "throwaway" in style, very funny and nicely paced. Thanks for the read,
Donald
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Thanks for the read quantum surveyor, I appreciate you taking the time to leave your thoughts.
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Good
I have stood like that and had the waves hug my feet and felt the sand leave as the waves rushed out and came back in. I love the ocean I live right near it and spend many hours sitting at the harbor. great write
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Thank you for taking the time to read it and leaving your thoughts talloaks, I apprecaite it.
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Great poem!
It's really evocative; you really seem to embody the experience.
The only thing is, I usually don't have anything against rhyme but I'm not sure I think it works in this poem. It seems to make it flow too quickly and almost trivialises the subject matter.
But still, well done. -
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Thanks for the read and comments wendy, I appreciate you taking the time
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Wow! I could smell the salt air, I could feel the breeze. I think you captured the essence of standing on the beach. This works on so many levels, I'm going to have to come back and read this when I'm in different moods so I can catch all the levels. The rhymes were perfect, not intrusive, strained or hokey at all. Very very impressed.
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Thank you mandi, glad you liked the poem, I apprecaite you taking the time to read it
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Memorable
Already the title caught my attention-"slow dance with the sea"-very poetic and romantic. The imagery and gentle words along with the rhymes is splendidly placed. I really like your rhyming and figurative speech. This poem is beautiful. May I add it to my collection, chap book, of poems by other authors?
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Thanks for the review flowering star, I appreciate you taking the time to read it, glad you liked it
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