Ravens and roses, wishing for death
I scream for you with my last breath
But you left me in the mud
Weeping softly, seeping blood
My heart is broken, my soul is dead
I die in this vision of black and red
Doves and daisy chains, engulfed in your love
I’m sure you’re an angel, come from above
We run through the fields with a blue sky
Knowing this love can never die
Safe in your arms, you hold me tight,
I lie in this vision of pink and white
Oh, the pointless, simple pleasures
Of writing these banal treasures
But now we’ve become so afraid
Of saying things that are clichéd
For we simply cannot face
Anything that’s commonplace
No more can we sing the praises
Of those fruitless, corny phrases
We strive to be unique, inspired
So that we may be admired
Determinedly flout convention
So that we might get a mention
But original and trite may end up fused
Unclichéd will become overused
It seems as though we can’t be freed
From those odes to the hackneyed
Author notes
I went for option 2, number 7 (Ravens and Roses) and my username is chugglepuff.
I don't like clichéd poetry, and I've read a lot of pieces of poetry and prose recently that completely avoid clichés and are almost anti-clichés (?). And I've attempted to write in such a way myself. But I do think that stuff like that will eventually end up being clichéd... I suppose you (the royal you, not you personally) need a load of poets writing clichéd poetry and going unnoticed in order for you to go against this convention and get noticed.
I think all art is going to end up going through the same thing - trying so hard to break with tradition and be shocking and original that styles of art can't progress because the style is shocking and original, so development from there isn't possible because nothing is new. (That may have made more sense in my head.)
An interesting sidenote - rhyming "love" with "above" hurts my soul (when I said interesting, I actually meant extremely dull, sorry if that misled you at all).
A contest entry
- Like Strands of Fist and Bone by Saint Gut-Free.
600 points, ended October 7, 2007, 29 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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Haha, I have to admit, I read your first stanza and I almost vomitted until I read on and saw the sarcasm. After that, I love your piece. I love the dual nature of it- the way you strike out simultaneously at stale poetry and at the efforts people go to to be shocking, as you put it, thinking that this makes them original and worth reading.
You maintain your flow brilliantly, even with the change in beat that comes between the two "halves" of your poem, for want of a better term. Your rhyme is great (except where purposefully tooth grinding) and the concept, if not entirely original, is enjoyable because this seems to be the point.
"Unclichéd will become overused" is a particularly savourable line.
Also, uber brownie points for bothering to type the "é" instead of just writing "cliched".
Nothing left to say, except best of luck, and happy-clappy for following the rules
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Thanks so much for the wonderful comment, inspiration and the bronze! Will you give us a warning when you start the next round (if that's still going ahead)?
PS I'm sorry if I've already replied to this, I forget...
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they fought for our freedom
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