Laughing at losers lining up for the next crash
strands of fist and bone
Grown men who moan yet ache over the next lash
the whip crash of imagination lost in the past
The bitter bite of realization
I'm no better than the those
while I mock their conformist demonstration
my neck is craned, curved towards what I shun
Strands of fist and bone
tendrils and fingers gripping imagination
ivory woven tight into humanity's enmeshed home
macabre threads a web for the new or grown
Cinema connoisseurs charmed by the crash
crimes of creativity constructed by commercialization
minds of cadavers not caring it's just a clash
of a century's Art mixed with flash
Hooked to my hip, fishing fives from my pocket
strands of fist and bone work their penetration
the disaster scene draws my eyes from their sockets
locking my choice with no choice but to mock it.
Question the aftermath and everyone has their reasons
boredom, curiosity, entertainment, socialization
it doesn't really matter, all emotions have their seasons
in the end it's just the watchers wrestling with their demons
Author notes
Tomokun is the name, and ...yeah I won't finish that line, lol. I chose to work with both Like strands of fist and bone and the Car Crash effect, the two just worked for me, I hope you don't mind.
A contest entry
- Like Strands of Fist and Bone by Saint Gut-Free.
600 points, ended October 7, 2007, 29 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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Interesting interpretation of the title. And of course I don't mind combining options, it makes it all the more enthralling to see where people went from the jumping off point.
Your imagery is vivid, and ambiguous enough to be open to interpretation with a good use of vocabulary.
The one thing that sticks out to me as having room for improvement was your rhyme. It feels forced every now and then, and is somewhat erratic, which messes up your flow.
Aside from that, great write here. Best of luck, and happy-clappy for following zee rules
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Yeah, I was playing with a new structure...abaa, with b repeating every...erm would the word be verse (I'm still new to this poetry thing, lol) I'll probably try to clean it up later, I can see where I can make the flow more rhythmic...btw...love the honest and constructive feedback!
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Yes, verse would work. And you're most welcome- I try to be as helpful as I can as a reader.
Let me know if you choose to make any changes and I can come back to judge again.
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*Salutes smartly* Aye-aye Capn'! Hehe, yeah I'll play around on paper for a bit and let you know..thanks again!
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