&&she lays there
[hugging]her
favourite pillow
only because it
reminds her of
.h.i.m.
so what if she
C.R.I.E.S
herself to sleep
tonight?
whats one more
night filled
with ...
his memories
haunt her every
dream...
her every[thought]
they kill her
inside--EVERYNIGHT
he's off with
another girl --
she thinks...
but what he's
doing is a secret ;;
[HE]cried himself
to sleep tonight.
Author notes
♥ EliaNinja
---other poem entered:: [;; about that mystery ;;]
Black nail polish and glitter eyelashes
A contest entry
- & Sometimes Tears Must Be Shed (New Dirty Pretty writes) by xxRainbowDawnxx.
300 points, ended August 10, 2007, 9 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Hurt. by Naridill.
550 points, ended August 16, 2007, 32 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - One by Nam.
425 points, ended October 6, 2007, 16 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - DIRTY PRETTY-PW allowed by Heva Feva.
400 points, ended July 3, 34 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
[perfectpassion]
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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I love it when poems end not exactly the way one would imagine them ending. You are really good at the dirty pretty, something I'm not so great in, so I think I'll stop in from time to time to take some pointers from you.
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awwww. Such a sad ending!!! I love that ending!!!!!!! Beautiful story, best one I've read so far in this contest. I reckon you could use more dp though. Good luck and thanks so much for entering my contest.
-heva -
"whats one more" - "whats" would be "what's".
I do feel this form could be written well, it's been around long before some member here tagged it as "Dirty Pretty"; it's more of a mixture of "abstract" and "symbolism", and perhaps a few other elements. It's nothing new. But, with it, has to come purpose, and not just "glitter". Glitter is fine, if the glitter doesn't overcome what's said. I feel the "glitter" encompasses this piece more so than what you're saying, which makes for distraction.
Also, they should entwine within themselves so when read it's one piece, and the other isn't there more so than the whole of the poem.
Just my opinion.
-
he's off with
another girl --
she thinks...
but what he's
doing is a secret ;;
[HE]cried himself
to sleep tonight.
seems like they both are lost and need each other again -
Interesting piece, nice and sad with a nice flow. Definitely has a brilliant ending.
Thanks for entering.
Much luck.
-
Very Good Poem
With a surprise ending, I liked it very much. GOOD thought.
-
he's off with
another girl --
she thinks...
i honestly cant tell you how many times i have thought that EXACT same thought.
the he's off with other girls, and im at home thinking about him with those girls.
i hate that feeling.
and the last stanza was perfect. i love the mirror effect of it. -
I thank you for putting [most] everything that I asked for. There is one more thing I need and then I can comment on this.
-
So sweet! I'm glad the feel was mutual, even though she doesn't know about it. It's so sweet and such a lovelythought to think about in this world, a love hidden but oh so true. Painful, but beautiful at the same time. Wonderfully written anyway, very heart felt!
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