His hands are brown, masculine
nails bitten short
He disassembles the fan to
fix some offending piece,
removes dusty chunks and casts them aside
Outside, a crow hops under a tree in search of silver
(think I found something shiny myself)
I imagine mingling over margaritas
cruise ship on the Caribbean
(brown hands fixing me)
"How do you remember what goes where?" I ask
"Its like a puzzle " he says
Author notes
I didnt chose any of the above symbols because my theme isnt listed but you said anything right?
A contest entry
- Anything. by Andii.
600 points, ended September 15, 2007, 48 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
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Nice metaphor and I really like the way you float away into reverie and fantasy as the fix it guy mends the fan - think we've all done this at one time!!Final question and answer lines really sum it all up -is it life or just the fan- the human body....I love the way you let the reader decide. I hope this wins the contest, it's so original Cheers.
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It's subtle, but effective and just a little coy ("How do you remember what goes where?" I ask)
And I like the symbolism of the crow and silver, and that line:
(think I found something shiny myself)
and it's such a simple scene...you've turned an ordinary moment (just a guy fixing something) into a romantic one.
Yep, me likes.
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Now this is a great day dream
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almost forgot your applause
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I have to agree with celticQueen,I love the way your words paint not just a picture but a whole story. I really liked this piece, and the story it tells...or doesnt.
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I really like this a lot, there is something about strong masculine hands and then imagining being on a cruise ship, yep, i would like to go there very much
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I like the fact that you left so much to the reader's imagination, yet directed us so that's there's really only one way for those imaginations to go! I can picture you sitting at the table opposite your handyman, chin propped on your balled fists, watching him fix the fan. Your eyes go from his hands to his eyes, back to his hands. You ask, with studied nonchalance, how he remembers what goes where, not because you want to know, but just to hear his voice, talking to you. All the while he's finding the problem and you're watching his hands, you're imagining...well, we know what you're imagining!
I liked this and the way you did it. Nice job. cq -
Interesting
I liked the direction you were going. It can off perhaps a bit rushed and sloppy. Some misspellings and maybe a dropped word here or there. A nice write and a great opportunity for a great re-write. Thanks for the thoughts and words. -
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Thanks for your help Jim, its always very much appriciated.
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delightfully told. i too, love to fix things, even on a cruise ship, with my brown hands. Hahahahahaha
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LOL! Its true though. Its sexy when a guy can fix things!
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Good!
great poem! i especially like the ending-"How do you remember what goes where?" I ask
"Its like a puzzle " he says.Mr.fix it is probably the best title for this poem too.i liked how in the beginning you described his appearance,it actually gives you the idea of him there.Good job!
r.a.w. -
this is ammensly starnge in a good way, im left wondering why i like this, i cant think of anying critical to say, i love the way its starts with a simple observation of a man fixing the fan and then ends with him again and in between that there is so much hidden metphor i think anyway.... good poem, best of luck in this contest
john
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