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New Life Lavished

Trapped within the growing canvas-- and soul's estate --
my blood, the dawn that drown’d all things godless,
filled Trojan walls that surround untrodden regions
where lies long arms and thriftless self-praise.

She writhed its skin; freckled nest-eggs of art--
when holy Elders with a vivid memory ‘gainst death,
spoke of she whom shall see the spectral shape
as to fulfill her face, silent, and breathe of us.

Silently, invisibly she walks of love and my body drank,
drank of the widower’s lake with new life lavished!

Author notes

For My girl, the white raven


prompt...
Love takes off masks that we fear
we cannot live without
and know we cannot live within.

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments


  • DancingRed
    September 26, 2007

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    Initial reaction - 10
    Poetic devices - 28
    Individuality/creativity - 14
    Vocabulary - 10
    Emotional engagement - 10
    Layout/organisation - 3
    Spelling/grammar/punctuation - 5
    Background/font - 5
    Overall impact - 10

    Total score - 95

    A delightfully metaphorical love poem.
    I love all the intense imagery - "freckled nest-eggs of art"
    Perhaps it could have been set out in a freer form, with more line breaks.

    Thanks for entering.

    DancingRed.


  • Exodus gold member
    September 4, 2007

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    Certainly an interesting prompt, and the poem is beautiful. This line; "She writhed its skin; freckled nest-eggs of art--" was really something else. Thank you


  • brentsrich
    August 12, 2007

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    This piece has an other-earthly quality, fantastic and mysterious. I like the implication of color (e.g. blood, freckled nest-eggs), which lends to the atmosphere of the piece. Nicely done.

    Thanks for entering.


  • Desire gold member
    August 9, 2007

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    Thank You!

    Thank You for Your entry: New Life Lavished

    Please do not comment or reply back.
    Want to keep anonymous…

    Strengths I inhaled: Love Your take on the prompt for I felt the emotions in each line but also could see the images unfold and Love the words:
    Soul's estate...that is certainly a different take
    on the Temple I refer to
    also the nest-eggs of art
    with widower's lake...
    Wonderfully penned

    Judging will be completed shortly
    Many blessings to You
    Best wishes too
    and much love~Desire~*~