She was in pain
He had driven her insane
Physically, Mentally, Emotionally
She was his and he didn't know what he had
he hit her, he yelled but she didn't care
She was strong and made me swear
That no violent action i wanted to do would happen
She finally breaks free
I try to make her see
That maybe she should be with me
But this became my silly pipe dream
She went back to him
he said he changed
So why did she return to being insane?
I'm no superman
I can't save the world
but we had a talk
where she said i saved her's
She broke free of him once again
And this time i took a chance
But she left me hangin
and my heart skipped a beat
I was passed over again
just left in the street
In the end, when i finally look back and see
The only time she really chose to fight back
It was always against being with me
Author notes
this was written regardin a girl i knew please if ur goin to comment on it dont bother me if all u have to say is grammar or rhyme problems
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 14 of 14
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First I would like to ask you to please not 5 star my comment, or comment me back in anyway at all, at this time. I am trying very hard not to find out who anyone is at this time.
Your poem is very good. A bit sad, yet well written. It is such ashame that when the one you love, loves the wrong person in return. The one who treats them bad and disrespects them.
I don't care much about your grammar and I never rhyme myself. I rather read what comes from deep within your heart. This was very good.
Thank you for entering my contest and good luck.
Loveandblessings2u & yours always
Joyce
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It is often said that the hardest thing to do is to watch the one you love love someone else, especially in this situation. Why do women always go back to men who treat them like dirt, when it is a known fact that they won't reform on their own? All the best to you and your friend. Take care.
L. -
This is deep. I know how your feeling.
I like the way you've written this and the phrasing you chose.
It's a pain when someone you care about loves someone who abuses them, and you want so hard for them to realise they could have a better life with you but they can't see it.
Either way, great write =)
Really enjoyed it.
Ryan
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you are amazing. you really are one of the few men who write about women in a respectful manner. it's nice to see a change of pace. once again i am impressed. keep it up. you'll get a girl one day who will be just as amazing as you.
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great poem very emotional and im sorry as well, keep up the good work
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Well, there are a few grammar and rhyme problems for sure. I can't understand why you capitalize the beginning of the lines and not "i". But then that's just me. I teach creative writing for a living, can't help myself.
The poem is poignant! It shares with the reader a need to assist this girl, help her see the light, show her that all men are not like the one she's chosen. Sometimes when women are in abusive relationships, they are emotionally challenged. Hopefully she will someday understand that she is worthy of someone who has to offer what you have. Just say a little prayer for her. Personally, I would introduce the man to my German Luger. I refuse to be abused. A very emotional writ poet. I hope she comes to understand that you just might be what she needs in her life.
Much Love ♥
Renee
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So much emotion...You have a unique style ....Lyrixs seem to be what you are really good at...Awesome..
Lynda
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Chills
Haunting. Beautiful. Gripping. Painful. Thank you for sharing this piece. Heavy.
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I really loved the way it ended, sad, but so true. I've had friends in abusive relationships, and they always seem to choose the jerk over common sense.
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Awww...
Okay, not going to waste time telling how I can relate to this and telling you how good this was...I think that best approach on this is to tell you exactly what my first impression of this is.
Unrequited love, completely understandable, (and terribly cliche) though, since you have talent, you made this work for you, you made some aspects of it original, and as a writer, you need that. You need that aspect to make a mark, to mark you as legend.
But great job, and thanks for sharing this right. -
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Tell me
If you want to relate to it relate. If you want to say it was good say it was good. IF you think i am over reacting in my poem just say it. I want to know what you think mentally and emotionally i just dont wanna hear too much about grammar
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Very good
expressed all too well
keep writing!!!
-SR-
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Awww......
What a twist to an extraordinary touching piece...
Thanks for sharing.
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Great story.
Thanks for entering!
*PEACE*
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