no title.

" he's thee reason why i hate the rain" and i fumble my hands to keep busy. you are the reason..

and i all i hear is the sound of your breathing. in.out in out. and i lay my head on you chest to keep my body balanced, as my arms wrap so tightly around you like a lock. "i don't want to leave this moment, but you know sooner or later it will end." because rain doesn't last forever. just the way relationships do. nothing is forever. and i stare up at you with wet hair, and wet skin. and you stare down at me. and i don't want to leave or let go.

....that i've smoked so many cigarettes. i carry a pack with me every where i go. in my purse in the middle pocket zipped. i'm the only one that knows where i keep them. i smoke like a chimney, in. hold. exhale. into the sky. into the air.

the sky has never been so blue as it is today. sort of like the color you find in cotton candy. and i sit on the grass watching you skateboard, and i could never understand how graceful you are with your feet. your graceful with your words too. your graceful at loving me. and i sit and watch you, because for the first time in my life i don't need change. i need you.

you are the reason. why when i hear a good song i can't even enjoy it. thoughts of you poor through my head like a water fall. like when i hear that song...

and your looking at her. the way you used to look at me. " andddd i'm right here babe," i mumble . "whatt. i know i know." you say. " i hate that shirt your wearing," and i'm lying. i just hate you. i hate you because your what gets me every time. i hate the way i like hair thats a little longer than yours but you refuse to let it grow out like that. and i hate that you don't need me anymore. dammit. " you like her don't you." my voice echoes into silence as you stare at your shoes, and my kidding voice wasn't a joke to you. " maybe." and suddenly my world stops. because maybe always means no in my book. but now it means yes. yes yes yes. you like her. and those words from that 90's song echoes across the room "don't speak i know what you're saying"


it's awfully strange the way weight can fluctuate when you have things on your mind. especially when the thing on your mind isn't there anymore, so you shouldn't be thinking about that thing anymore because where is it? not there.