How I miss bobbing in your metallic blue,
Dipped in succulent beauty of turquoise hue!
Be still my dreams of foam, translucent,
Strummed along deftly, in silent lament.
Swashed in ebullient colors that swirl,
Timeless immersion, tumultuous waters unfurl.
Seaborne memories churn, a hypnotic stare,
Encompassed in froth cradles that ensnare!
Beneath you, my chromatic mistress,
I lie awake, mesmerized by liquid bliss.
Enamored by salty swirls of sacred dance;
How I long for whirlpools of noontide romance!
Author notes
At times, I really miss the serenity I felt when I was out to sea with the U.S. Navy. I got lost in its captivating beauty. Since I left the Navy at 22 fifteen years ago, I have found myself missing it quite a bit. You never realize how much you'll miss something until you don't have it. It's not like I can't just go to the ocean shores, but it's quite a bit different out in the middle of the Mediterranean. You get lost in hidden mystery.
A contest entry
- What Makes A Poet? by pen-inhand.
1900 points, ended August 15, 2007, 21 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Natural Enchantment by Flowering Star.
900 points, ended August 14, 2007, 10 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Pre-write Party ~ Closes In One Day by Namita.
300 points, ended October 1, 2007, 90 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Pre-Write Mania by Chelsea Void.
600 points, ended October 1, 2007, 26 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - whatever you want by Anonymous Shadow.
600 points, ended October 1, 2007, 119 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Give me something beautiful to put on my wall by Wrozes Thorne.
450 points, ended October 3, 2007, 15 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Quickie Quest ~ Prewrite Party 2 by Namita.
300 points, ended October 6, 2007, 95 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Anything goes!! Lots of options!!!!! by lilblueeyesmine1978.
425 points, ended September 27, 2007, 50 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Lotsa Points Possible by Pollycheck.
425 points, ended November 4, 2007, 22 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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Very nice poem great use of words in this won you can feel the water in it don't you have the sea close to you or do you live more inland. Excellent write
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Thank you so much, Cara.
I live very close to the Pacific Ocean in Washington State. It's about a fifteen minute drive, depending on traffic. As gorgeous as it is, it's tough to compare to the Mediterranean. Thanks to the Navy, I got to go snorkeling off the coast of Nassau's Paradise Island in the Bahamas, Bermuda, St. Thomas in the Virgin Islands, and Curacao in the Netherlands. It's imprinted on my mind now. I have many more sea poems to write eventually.
Don
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Really quite wonderful, Don. You can write in many styles if you put your mind to it. Versatility and variety are somehing I love in poetry, and this fine piece just shows another fascinating facet of your poetics.
David
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Thank you so much, David.
I'm proud of this poem, especially since it was my first rhyming sea poem. I just love to write about the sea, almost more than anything else. I have four years of memories to fall back on. I was just 18 when I joined the Navy, and had never been out of my home state. My brother joined the Navy a year before I did. He sent me some photos of Oslo, Norway, and I was hooked. I had the privilege of visiting almost thirty different ports off the coast of the Mediterranean. I hope to start writing about those port visits as I grow as a poet. Don
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Thank you for entering my contest and good luck. this is a very well written poem and I feel your sentiments. I spent almost 30 years out to sea and I miss it everyday that I am away from it.
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You are quite welcome, Pollycheck.
This was the second sea poem I wrote when I first started writing poetry earlier this year. Seaside Cloud Nine was my first. I plan to write many more sea poems. I write humor sea poems, as well. I'm also a cartoonist, although not professionally yet, so I can draw sea cartoons in a pinch.
Knight70
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color color color and liquid liquid liquid.
I liked this a great deal. Rhymed couplets. Nice. Though stanza three threw me with the non-rhyme. BUT The rest was so nice.
I liked this a great deal. Makes me want summer again and the warm beaches. I may have to take a fall walk this weekend. Lovely. ~Pamela
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Thank you!
You know, I don't know how I missed the stanza that doesn't rhyme. I want to go back, and rework that line. I'll think of something, and then send it your way.
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I liked this one very much. I have never seen the ocean from out there on it. But I fell in love with the ocean as a small child when I first walked onto the beach in Fort Walton Beach, Florida. It is sooooo beautiful. I will forever keep that picture in my mind. thanks for sharing.
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this is incredible, being that it reminds me of the islands I grew up on and how I miss the ocean, as you could guess from the other poem you read of mine, thanks by the way, your comment was much appreciated and Im honored by your words. what I love about the ocean and the feelings I get from those memories were captured very well, better than I could put them myself, extremly poetic and very powerful, full of emotions and happiness as well. Also love the rhyme very unique and exotic too. Awesome write and thanks again!!!
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Thank you so much.
I just went the last few months without the internet, but I got it turned back on today. I really miss reading your work. This poem has so much of my personal memories in it, especially with scourging seas in the North Atlantic. It also has much of St. Thomas, Nassau, and Bermuda built in, at least, with how those exotic places made me feel.
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Oh I love this. You did a really nice job on this piece thank you for shairng it with me goodluck to you in the contest.Best wishes
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Thanks, C.J.
I really appreciate your comments.
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This was very beautiful. I think the couplet style worked well as formation, and the idea and inspiration behind the peace was very strong in each word, but one was left with a calming effect. Very skillfully written with imagery dipped in emotion. I really enjoyed this piece a lot. I definitely agree with the idea: you don't know what you have 'til it's gone. It's so true and in a way it inspires one to try appreciate new things to come in the future.
fantastic write. -
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Thank you so much.
Rhyme is what I'm weakest at, so this went through a great deal of trial and error, but I'm really happy with how it turned out. I have so much passion for the sea that I can hardly contain it at times.
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Wonderful and flawless rhyme. Thank you for entering,. Godo luck.
Luv,
Candy
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yes this edit does come off a bit smoother. I like how you have worded and reworded a lot of this, there are still a few points where I find it to be lagging behind the stellar stance stood by the rest of the poem. But, its a all around solid piece, it was a pleasure to read, *again.
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Thanks, Deindichter.
I'm not sure about the word "wobbling." I'm debating on using the word "bobbing" instead.
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Thanks for entering this piece but it has nothing to do with the topic at hand. We asked if you think that poets are a different breed of people. Not sure why you entered this piece, thanks anyway. Kelly & Bob
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I'm not sure what I was thinking when I posted this poem for your contest, either.
I'm sorry about that.
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How I miss your metallic blue,
Dipped in succulent beauty of turquoise hue!
This line has so much potential, as its a very very powerful way to describe the colour of the sea. Masterful idea, but flawed in the fact that its obviously attempting to rhyme and its forced due to that attempt. I would suggest cutting back some of the second line or add a bit to the first.
Strummed along wispy, silent lament. I would suggest with this again stellar line to add something to it, its awkward, perhaps "strummed along deftly, by the silent lament. The next four lines are fantastic. They were very powerful and equally executed.
I would then change 'your' to 'you, my chromatic mistress',
The last two lines are stellar as well and very nice way to end a lovely poem. Well done and best of luck in these two contest.
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Thanks so much, Deindichter!
"You, my chromatic mistress" sounds FANTASTIC! I like that much better.
I am working on the meter to this poem, so it evens out better, and doesn't lose it's rhythm. I was thinking the same thing about the rhyming seeming "forced," because the syllabic content in each line differs so much in a few places.
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What you describe is very serene. Your descriptions make quite an image. I really admire your words and rhymes. The colors written in give the sea vividity that lifts off the webpage. I can see the sea!
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'Encompassed in froth cradles that ensnare' what beautiful imagery in this piece... this happens to be one of my favorite lines.
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Thank you so much.
I'm slowly revising this just a bit, but mostly with the meter. Some of the lines feel like they are a little too short, and it makes the rhymes feel a little forced to me.
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