The dead were planted
in cold comings of
winter
soil frozen by oblivion
When the world shudders
as images cling to
emptiness
before fading in the cold
and midnight streets blackened
where ancient memories fall
in stars
Piety and awareness to death
coated in the snow
while fog calls under
street lights and lamp lights
where photo albums are studied
and tedium endured
Chill descends as eyes blink
like camera shutters
flash
flicker
and shadows are engraved
into sidewalks
[where men exploded
and atoms split
in one intense moment
between failure and sin]
All that is forgotten
between Friday and Sunday
death and resurrection
where we fall
divide death from life
the future from the past
and the addition of bones
broken while bending
in the snow
And sprouts rise from
the thaw
skulls exposed in waste
where silence lingers
in desolation
Furthest days pass
when warm winds blow
another year of
agony
painted on the back
of the eye
Knells clanged, unprayable
behind walls of melting ice
[like ravens' souls]
Present and past
no destination
from winter to spread
where life will die again
winter to spring
spring to winter
Devotion to death
crept like vines
from the Earth
as water succeeds
from seed to weed
to cries of plants
from winter to spring
From the beginning to the end
where ostentations of manner
from death and blindness
of dead men, dying
roses
crushed in bowls of dust
all is well
but perfection is death
under the snow
of genius
and the nightfall
of glory
while the wind whispers
incantations of oblivion
all is well
in the spasm of a single second
from silence to one final exhalation
from the apple-tree
to the grave
sun rise, sun set
one natural process
where life and death
are one
A contest entry
- closes soon by Melissa Gayle.
500 points, ended August 10, 2007, 13 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
-
You and your lengthy pieces.
I am going to be critical - I would consider adding the single line to stanza one, it stands out enough as its own line that I don't feel it needs to be 'alienated' for lack of a word.
"When the world shudders
as images cling to"
I would almost consider revising slightly to
'the shuddering world
clings to images of'
But just personal opinion.
I would lose the 'and' in this line "and midnight streets blackened".
Is there a reason for all of the spaces between "flicker" and "and shadows are engraved" or was it just a typo?
"[where men exploded
and atoms split
in one intense moment
between failure and sin]"
Again, I would consider adding the line to the above stanza but that whole thing is just brilliant. I love the image that it creates.
"divide death from life" - you have the word death just a couple of lines above that, it is a bit distracting.
And then when you travel lower and you get into what I will call the 'couplet' lines, you have quite a few froms, it detracts for me.
'dying
roses
crushed in bowls of dust' - excellent image.
Your ending it good but I do think you could remove some of the couplet lines and it would be stronger. You know that I enjoy your work, I am just feeling critical today.
-
whew...
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