write of a girl on the train,
I'd imagine myself her
both our thoughts loosed
to possibles
sometimes
I hear people
think of me
can I stir such
intrigue
and here is the poem
curious blossom
leans to sun
roots grasp
fierce in darkness
A contest entry
- closes soon by Melissa Gayle.
500 points, ended August 10, 2007, 13 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
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Amazing.
Amazing, amazing, amazing. One of the most creative poems I've read. You are one of the most creative poets I've read, now that I'm on my third piece of yours. I just want more, and I'm off to go find it. -
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this is the type of poem that I seem to gravitate to naturally, i love the pure language and the poem within the poem... don't know how i missed this one...
al
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Excellent Jan.
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thanks Z.
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shit thats pretty cool. the line: and here is the poem. really sounds different than all the other lines when i read them. snap out of it, lets get to the point. me like
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billowing Tom
championed physique garnished in a slight possibility. A verulent substantiality smears its face on this quaint stir of emotionless mixture - train track tumbles beneath the seat and mind rumbling intercedes...nice work!
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This is a striking piece, on the top it seems ordinary, but below there is such strength. A coming to, going from, wishing for - just so much really. Excellent, I am so glad to have you back here.
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you could
write of a light
seeming the end of the tunnel
even if it's a incoming passenger train
and you're on the tracks
there's a girl inside
and that means the tunnel has an exit point
on the other side
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i love this ... the second stanza is great and the final stanza is a wonderful metaphor ... somewhat sad, to me - roots are entrenched in a space we choose to seed and change, growth is natural ... (its an unformed thought) ... enjoyed that aspect of this piece ... Gina
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It's hard to explain how, but this piece grabs me and holds me tight. for a last read of the day this one does the trick, cant help wonder though if the lst two words of line two were transposed!? either way it was excellent as usual jan. the last as superb as the first part of this one, glad I came to loook...peace- newly dethroned moderator and bald man extrodinaire Terry
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thanks Terry
(and nope, not transposed)
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