Whats the woes of one mere mortal
She shadows the shadowed
And I say honey, its personal
You haven't had love now, for how long
You forgotten whats eternal
A flame, of forgot fire, yearning forever
and right now,
My fire is burning...
My fire is burning my house down
Not in the huddle of a lover...
I can ware as gown, shadowle s s
Or thought of with such revere to be given a crown
...but burning till I'm smokele s s
Living hand into mouth not upon mended thrown
But I wont die a lone ghost
Genetic guilt,
with woes that wilt
and shadow the shadowed
so our holes can consume what is willed,
what can still muster desire
Now is the time,
the time to rebuild
And she says why bother
Author notes
+-- OPTION 13 --+
In a list
A contest entry
- Wow Me With One Word *Platinum Edition!* =] by Anjole-Of-The-Artz.
1700 points, ended August 9, 2007, 34 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 18 of 18
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Oh and I think the background speaks for itself maybe just make your word Bold print !
That would do it! -
wow! I understood this completely ! I feel your pain in this write!
its very good full of your raw emotions !!!
Keep penning !!
Great work!
~Lisa~
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I like this. Lots. But I always have to find something.
Without further adieu, my criticism!!!
You said:
"I can ware as gown, shadowle s s "
I think you mean wear. And did you mean to say shadowle s s? Or shadowless? Dunno. Good poem. Keep it up. Kudos.
Oh, btw, please fade out the background more?
Thanks.....
~Asa of the Poets of Inexhaustible Remarks -
It must be that I just woke up. I can hardly read your work. What I did manage to make out, I really liked. The end line is just wonderful. Also, I don't get the spaces between the s's, but what do I know..Overall, a really good read.
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absolutely beatiful!
and worthy of publication all on it's own i only hope i can be this good one day!
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Wow, that basically just blew me away.
The metaphors you used were awesome, and there really wasn't a line that I didn't like.
Great job, this one deserves to be a winner.
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Congradulations on your win. You entered a great poem. I liked every line. I have to say it was amazeing, and I really thought the title was great. Keep up the good work.
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Variation on a theme
Variation on a theme hovering on the border between prose and poetry perhaps this composition could benefit from full stops at the end of sentences.
Perhaps
Whats the woes of one mere mortal
as
What are the woes of one mere mortal
or Whats are one mere mortal's woes
Are you certain that capital letters at the head of each line intensify the effect - especially where centred ... contemporary poetry is found within words and only in specific circumstances in formatting - though here the background although appropriate renders the text difficult to read for some.
Is there a specific reason for the double spacing in
shadowle s s and smokele s s ?
In your note Points are Preciouses perhaps you mean precious ? And yes you are correct here.
Very effective last line : And she says why bother
Hoping this comment is construed as constructive criticism ... -
this poem is good if you visit my page can you tell me if mine are ba
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Very effective and convincing in pictorialization of impressions. It flows very well and highly concentrated in richness of concept You exercise a lot of power at the end of your poem. There is wholeness in finding a balance and discover unchallenged strength. Superior writing!
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Simply amazing.... the flow, the imagery really just draws the reader in ... great write
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hey
I want you on my favorites list, so please message me =] -
Wow
I really love this....It makes me see how desire can be complete destruction. It's absolutely honestly amazing.
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Wow this is a great poem it really sparks the imagination, well done this is amazin
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Well I won't get the gold now, thanks to your excellent poem, so silvers my aim now!
Savvy
oxox
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Interesting piece. Love the line: "She shadows the shadowed". I enjoyed the read. Good luck in the contest!
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WOW!!! This is so beautiful! I love the imagery and the wording!!! I also love the sense of hope at the conclusion of the poem!!! Excellent write!!!!
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this is so beautiful. I love your choice of words.
A forgot fire, yearning forever
and right now
this line is awesome.
Your flow is great. Thanks for the read and keep on writing
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