I can feel you all around me
Tainting the very air I'm breathing
Shaking from the way I'm feeling
Contaminate this heart that's beating
Corrupting my mind with lies
As you unravel your disguise
Bit after bit I see what's really there
A pig, a scoundrel, the devil's heir
I can feel you all around me
I'm choking on your very being
So afraid of what I'm seeing
There's no running, there's no healing
Tampering with my purity
Savoring the pain you bring
As you commit your evil deeds, plant your evil seeds
Loving your catastrophe
I can feel you all around me
Trapped by a smile so deceiving
altering my very meaning
being murdered by a love so unbelieving
Dragging me to hell
Your domain
Where I'm trapped, I'm caged
Exposing me to your disease
Knowing that I'll never be freed
I can feel you all around me
Infecting me with filth your bringing
Pleas for help are what I'm screaming
Crumbling is this heart that's bleeding
You use me
Bruise me
Tell me that you love me
Abuse me
Your killing me
Yet you say you'll never lose me
I can feel you all around me
Cutting off the air I'm breathing
Piece by piece my soul your stealing
Trembling from this monster your revealing
Loosing myself to what I'm becoming
A robot made to do your bidding
A droid without any emotion
Demented from your evil potion
I can feel you all around me
Changing me to have no feeling
A toy so you can do the steering
Damning me, my fate your sealing
Author notes
The first line (I can feel you all around me) is from a song [All Around Me - FlyLeaf] which has inspired me to write what I believe as my master piece!
You are free to come up with whatever meaning you feel this piece has, it can have various meanings to various people.
Hope You Enjoyed
A contest entry
- Your oldest prewrite poems and my 20th contest by stargazer..
650 points, ended April 20, 417 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Did you like it? Tell me what you did or didn't like, I'd def. appreciate it
Comments
1 - 24 of 24
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This is beautiful, it sent tingles down my entire back. The rythm is fluid and graceful, and the words powerful. I really enjoy your work.
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awesme
three days grace is a great band thats where u got the first line
really emotional peice of writing but poetry usually has that haha..
look forward to reading more of youre works anyways
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This is great, a real heart melter. I could feel the emotion all the way through. I especially liked the rhyme, very musical
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Breathtakingly mind trembling
It is every emotion I have ever felt and have hide from. What I have done and what has been done to those I love. Itis truly a masterpiece. Quite frankly so true to myown heart. I believe if you look among my poems some of the very same lines appear in similar verses. scary. -
Amazing
This was, whoa! I have to say I haven't read much of anything that has been this good in a while. Keep up the good writes.
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hmm wow, i know what you mean here.. and i think everyone has had or has one of these in their lives. the sad thing is you dont realise what theyre all about until its too late and youre in too deep. i also started to copy and paste my favourite lines and whatnot, but its pretty much the entire poem...anyhow, wicked write hun, i could only wish to have half the self expression in the form of words as you do. keep writing <3
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I loves it loads!
Savvy
oxox -
The first line is from Flyleaf's "All Around Me" right? Beautiful song.
And I absolutely love this poem, by the way.
"I'm choking on your very being,
So afraid of what I'm seeing
There's no running, there's no healing"
^not sure why, but that part caught my attention.
You've got a great talent, and this whole poem flows together perfectly. great job. -
I love it!
Is it strange that your darkness comforts me? Very strange, but true. I love the flow & the metaphors in this poem. Your words are powerful & captivating.. Beautiful!
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Thanks for entering.
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nice. real passionate, sounds angry because of your continued use of 'ing' words. works well. Good luck.
Jaf -
Tainting the very air I'm breathing....This line enraptures every sentiment i feel right now about my lost love
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Wow! This is filled with so much emotion and depth and it flows effortlessly and with great diction. Though the second stanza caught me deeply, I must say I thoroughly enjoyed and could relate to the entire piece. It drips with emotion and expression. Great write dear...do keep penning! -Inc."
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Omg omg omg,, this was soooo amazing and perfect,, every line in this was brilliant,, i have never in my life read something as, tragic,, unique,, spectacular,, beautiful,, amazing. ever word kept me wanting to read more,, to read on,, it had exellent flow and you used a great choice of words ,, great job,, very good indeed, thank you so much for sharing... i loved it,, and i am looking forward to reading more,,
keept it up
kaydee -
It's a pleasure for someone to enter something a little different than the usual "i love you marry me crap"
I'm glad you chose this option and entered!
Finalist.
<333
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"A Love Unbelieving" a great title to a great poem! I really enjoyed reading this piece! great work! Thank you so much for entering! Excellent work and the best of luck in my contest!!!!
-Steve- -
holy cow I loved it!!!!
This is really great!! I want to print it out & read it a time or two before I say to much but I really like it. Sometimes I think a poem should either rhyme & have meter or not. But I like some of the stuff Jim Morrison wrote & he mixed it up a lot, when he rhymed at all. I’ve tried to be a little more free in my writing style and that is how I want to look at this again a couple of more times. If this were mine I would be tempted to tweak a couple of stanzas so the flow was totally smooth, but I can over do it & end up losing some very well written lines in an effort to conform. I think this is very well written & so I don’t want to say anything but good with out more careful thought. I think it’s very expressive and pulls right at the core of ones emotions. Several lines are fantastic, the kind I want to read to friends so I can share the wonder of words so beautifully crafted together. “altering my very meaning” is one line I love & the whole last stanza is absolutely awesome!! I would buy a book of poems if this was in it!
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Wow, this was amazing!
Loved it!
For some reason my brain read the poem to a weird tune from 'Willa Wonka' (the old one) but somehow it only made it more brilliant!
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i liked all of it...tres excilante
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this is your masterpiece well done I loved this poem its dark and real. I am also nominating this for the featured poem section. This is one of the best poems I have read on here. AMAZED!!!!!
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i feel that you wrote this for me lol. i have been feeling this way for at least a week.
"Where I'm trapped, I'm caged
Exposing me to your disease
Knowing that I'll never be freed
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I have felt caged for awhile and know that so does many other woman out there. thanks for sharing this piece. good luck in the contest. -
oooooo
I, brightangel, think that there is alot of trouble in your life right now. It sounds like your guy is more like the devil. But in anycase I really enjoyed it.BUt....for me it was not my taste of potry. But ey dont listen to me just keep writting.
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Nice one here
losingmymind
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Wow....THIS IS AMAZING. It's great, It's captivating. I love it. It has pure emotion. The rhyme scheme is beautiful, it isn't forced. The flow is natural. Great job. I mean, there isn't one rough spot in this poem. It is so good. I can feel the emotion. The imagery is oustanding. It is so well put together. WOW. now I'm like speechless. WOW
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