Natural War
A single strand of fire crashed from the slate sky
and standing in the gaunt garden was a rose.
She parted her lips with a flinch at the crack.
Life is uncertain.
Her arsenal of thorns grossly outnumbered
against the power released from the grey clouds.
Vulnerable in her vermillion gown
as she stands alone.
She desperately cleaves to the solid earth,
as the wind increases in torrent splendor.
She cringes at another crack of fire
in her violent dance.
Holding fast in the knowledge of victory
as the blue skies roll in to capture the foe.
Safe in the knowledge that she is not alone,
she stands a proud rose.
Author notes
Loose Sapphic Form
The main building blocks of the sapphic are trochees and dactyls. The trochee is a metrical foot with one stressed syllable followed by an unstressed one (DAH-di), while the dactyl contains a stressed syllable followed by two unstressed ones(DAH-di-di). The first three lines of the sapphic contain two trochees, a dactyl, and then two more trochees. The shorter fourth, and final, line of the stanza is called an "Adonic" and is composed of one dactyl followed by a trochee.
Source: “Sapphic” and “Loose Sapphic” forms Mairi bheag
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Comments
1 - 24 of 24
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You do justice to this form I think this is very natural for you. You do well with rhyme, but listen to the flow of this poem. Your words run like water. Very good.
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It is beyond me what inspires you, you can place a picture here and put words, that make the others go to this place, you can give such detail to anything. amazing write. Would you mind if I put you on my favorites? Great write
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Once again I have to say that your poetry inspires the heart and minds.
I really enjoyed reading this after such a long day.
Thank you for such a wonderful gift on the world.
~Maya -
Good job, Amera. I thought this piece was really good, even though I usually don't read this kind of poetry.
Keep on writing. -
Wow...this is such a very powerful and lovely piece...I love the flow of your poem...from the rose's struggle to its triumph...that it is "Safe in the knowledge that she is not alone..." it's true that life is uncertain for all of us but if we have faith...we know deep inside our hearts we are never alone...and it's so beautiful to see someone standing as proud as that rose of yours...
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Wow!!
You are so darn good at these Form Queen!!
Love the images and You take the reader there
right with You
Love that phrase...her lips with a flinch
at the crack
It grabs and brings me in
and arsenal of thorns
Whoa!!
Loved it!!
Pssssssssst and that form too
Best wishes to You
Many blessings too
and much love~ Desire~*~
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again, you just hit the nail on the head, love it
good work.
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Safe in her knowledge that she is not alone. she stands a proud rose...
Life can pull and push but to be rooted in the real life can always save you:f:f:f...Another master piece from your pen sweetheart*hug*
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I love this form and you did it very well. This poem is very beautiful and the flow is wonderful. It is a different take for you then most your poetry, but very well done.
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those middle two stanzas
are just phenomenal... I love the title as well... wonderful use of imagery and language throughout! Beautifully composed, poetesse!
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A very nice loose sapphic very well done in the flow and structure. The narrative voice is strong and the narration takes on the imagery very well in the natural splendor of the storm unfolding. The rose in the garden works as a metaphor perhaps to women. Very well done. Thank you for this fine entry into the contest and the best of luck to you in the judging...PK
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I am again awestruck by your quick mastery of this form. You have created an image that is powerful, thought-provoking, and beautiful. Everything a poem is supposed to be. And winning in the end is always a good thing. I try to do that.
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Brilliant imagery, allegory, and personification!
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I, as a thinker at times, see a hidden, deeper message within this beautiful and splendid piece.
One of knowledge, one that shows the understanding that within the garden of our world, we as flowers, are bedded closely together, always having soemone close by to pull strength and companionship from.
But yet, another deeper meaning, one of loss, one that gives a hint of losing something that meant more than the world itself. The words tell of an inner struggle against a fight of fearful times, when so much was taken, the conflict of knowing without strength and commitment, and the friends around her, she knows and realises she will again stand strong to live another day.
An excellent write My friend, very thought provoking.
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Femine and strong, a woman rising to beat the odds...smiling...Amera this piece is work of art I hope you know this. The description and imagery are alive, vibrant, piquant even. This piece made me feel proud to be a woman, and I dare say I am in good company..
ps love you are not only talented but you are beautiful as well. Much love to you my friend.
luv
J
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wonderful sapphic
Lyrical beauty , a rose with thorns challenging the most deadly power of the sky..its lightning and yet
her hope as a blues sky comes ...does persevere.
Original and inspiring poetry..
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Beautiful! I love how intense this poem is. It can be taken at face value as simply a proud rose braving a storm and how even something as delicate and beautiful as a rose is capable of great things...or on the flip side if you wanted to say these were all symbols, this could be a poem about a person standing strong and not backing down even in the worst of times. I love a poem with possiblities! This is my favorite of yours that I've read so far. The imagery is absolutely perfect. Thank you for letting us breathe in such a beautiful poem!
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Amera,
No, you are never alone in ths quest, for millons will stand behind you in this quest, I being one of your strongest supporters. I must say this is truly one of your most beautiful, and meaningful pieces.
Dad
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This is a strong vibrant piece! Your imagery as always embraces my mind and although I felt through the read a sense of intensity...it felt warm and embracing in conclusion, well done!!!! Excellent penning Missy ~Tia
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Powerful write. Powerful imagery in this piece. It made me think of a person trapped outside in a thunderstorm.
The ending gave the poem a peaceful feel to it. Like, the knowledge of how everything on earth and in nature is one and nothing should be feared because maybe it would be like fearing one's self. Good luck in the contest.
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Thanks so much. It was actually about life but also about all the support people gave me after I wrote the poem "Abortion".
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The form is a brilliant display for this powerful imagery. Nothing more to say, excellent read! Blue
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OK I am just revising my comment, because you have now added another verse to the poem. It is self-confident and complete!
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A Gracious Turmoil of Nature
Quite impressed with your word usage, and the word, "cleaves", showing us an extraordinary dimension in magnetism, One way or the other. Lovely work, again by you Amera!!!! Titus
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