Life without love is walking beside you,
Scrunched and crumpled
Sitting, stinking on the Central Line.
You know that life without love
Exists
You see them, muttering empty words to the silent carriage.
Life without love sometimes meets your eye
and you glance down
You know they exist, in their silent world; not yours
You mind the gap, hurrying, wrapped
in a coat of crowds;
Locking eyes, reaching out, to your warm, muddled home.
Author notes
Central line- a line on the London Underground.
A contest entry
- A not so quick contest (24 hours) by poetryality.
525 points, ended August 13, 2007, 21 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Any vocabulary suggestions?
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
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A Real Poem-A magic Spell!!
The first line arrested me, made me stop, to ask myself if I agree, and then how I agree? So still engaged, in following the resulting strength of thread in my own associations, the second stopped me again as my existing flow didn't glide into or over this- 'Scrunched and crumpled'. And then the familiar image of the down and out, around the tube stations and the engendered feelings of that, I found very well captured in the lines. Lines which for me are held with most strength being in the 1st verse 1 and 1st verse 3, because these ones kind of punch you in the face far more than the others. I think it haunts us with a familiarity, which we usually do our best to ignore, deny or escape. It Invites you deep into it. Captured the feelings I often have felt, using the underground, at night particularly.
Very successful in my opinion and makes me personally feel very very unsure about my own writing, like it's 'bobbins' in comparison. Just as well I'm firstly a painter, a good one!
This is a real Poem! A magic spell! Very well done!
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A Great Piece!
I really liked this poem. I've been to London and travelled on the tube. The first thing I noticed was that no-one looked, let alone talked to each other. I felt strangley alone in the bustling crowds and I felt everyone else was feeling the same way.
But here you describe those characters who we see around us that in their own world may not be alone, but rather, void of love. I see them too and it chilled me when you admited how when our eyes meet, we look down. I'm glad you used 'Down' here as it is a far better word here than 'away'. 'Down' also shows guilt that we have more in our lives and are not about to share that with strangers even if our sense of humanity eats at us to do so.
I liked the last stanza very much. A great concentration of words telling many things in a short space. The line "in a coat of crowds" I like the best as it is original (to me) and not cliched.
Overall a great piece. well done!
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i really enjoyed this, and i flashed back to london the minute my eyes glanced those words...central line, you mind the gap.
i love everything this says, it says so much yet not that much at all. quite brilliant really.
Tasha
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Ohhhhhhhh...Hey there!
I sure loved this. One of your best, I'd say.
I enjoyed how you 'point' the way:
You mind the gap, hurrying, wrapped
in a coat of crowds; <--------- You merged subjects, action, and objective--- a venue into a collective noun. It's a wonderful summation-cleanly cut. Very 'itsy'.
Thank you so much for giving us the scoop on a
societal level..and also explaining the London Underground. All I need now is to know which
subways go where..LOL.
Love, CookieZeal/Di
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At the moment, they go nowhere on a Saturday. Some of the tunnels are 100 years old so they are maintaining them at weekends.
At least we have the London bus ... except they are 'bendy' buses. Still red, but long instead of tall!
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i love the final stanza, the image of wrapping oneself in "a coat of crowds" and the bustle of your life to protect yourself from the distressing suffering and need of others, "reaching out to your warm, muddled home." regretfully a familiar feeling, coming from a big city with a large population of homelessness and working poor, and the description home as "warm" but also "muddled" is very fitting. every word is just amazing.
the rest of the poem is far less vivid, and like cvillelisa i must question your reference to "life without love," which here seems to refer to the homeless lining the walls of the subway station. i do take issue with "life without love being used as a synonym... from my limited experience with the homeless they lead lives just as full of relationships as anyone else, their economic squallor does not translate to a poverty in all other elements of human life as well. perhaps this simplification is intentional, meant to illustrate that split-second assumption of "you" of life outside her own safe, muddled existence, but otherwise, you may want to reconsider it.
i think you raise attention and important questions in this poem though, and the description in the final stanza is really, really incredible writing. -
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They aren't supposed to be homeless! I'm talking about people who sit on tube trains with hollow, lonely eyes - nothing to do with whether they have somewhere to live. Those people DO exist, particularly in large cities.
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I remember the central line...the faces that reveal nothing but stark seperation, strange how one can be in a crowd but still be alone. The pace of this poem is almost the surge of the train, as it crosses the points before reaching the station ...ah memories of a time long past
Nice to revisit
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Saw you sulking etc. on the Poetry Board about folks not commenting..
Never been on the Central line in London. Pacing here is really nice with the irregular rhymes and irregular line lengths. Format is good too, looks nice on the page.
Not sure I can agree with the content in full though. How is it you can be sure those that you speak of have a life without love I wonder?
Wish the content wasn't so sure of itself here because obviously you have talent for crafting .. I shall read on.
Lisa
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They aren't homeless! I haven't put they are - strange how so many readers have assumed that the person is homeless, and thus inferred some kind of assumption on my part.
I'm talking about people who seem crushingly alone and swallowed up by the big city- regardless of income etc'. -
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Well the good thing about poetry is that the reader can make interpretations or bring their own "story" to words that leave enough room for the reader to do so.
Yes?
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hmmm... I like this. It really captures the feeling for me of the NY subway. That first line in the last stanza really strikes me.
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This is very sad but oh so real. There are many that roam this planet that feel there is no such thing as love. They feel abandoned and out of sorts. Your poem speaks of their plight with an effortless flow and understanding of what they must encounter on a daily basis. This is surely a reality poem.
Thank you for this entry in my contest. I wish you the best.
Much LOVE ♥
Renee
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