Oh! Ten ton,
the bags of life.
And I shot him;
the crow with a telegram.
He’d carried my being,
[and my baby‘s]
under his wing.
Now, I am not a mother.
His echo grated my nails
and soul
as he passed; screeching
“a rose is a rose is a rose.”
Yet, I feel this weight!
Wasn’t she worth the candle,
waning her to sleep;
nor isn’t a heart worth a bandage
to mop these spilling beads?
No! Crow left; old as the hills,
and I clutch this burden.
Author notes
Not my usual style. Please leave constructive criticism.
(For the benefit of those unsure.)
About the poem: It is about a mother grieving the death of her baby. The crow represents death.
In a list
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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I like this a lot. Full of dark passion. Creative writing at its best here. You are gifted. Keep writing.
Darkness Reigns
Wayne Leon
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This was an enjoyable read. I had really good flow. The words just leaped off the page. I liked the verse "Wasn’t she worth the candle,
waning her to sleep;
nor isn’t a heart worth a bandage
to mop these spilling beads?"
Well done. Keep up the good writing. -
Tragically sad. After reading this I think I felt a whole in my soul. You know? That sinking feeling deep down. It's an amazing accomplishment to achieve that affect on the reader, and my hat's off to you.
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I think the italics in this really helped your poem, I'm not sure what your normal style is, but this one has a great flow and wonderful imagery, especially with the crow.
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I could understand what you were trying to convey..
And this has left a heavy feeling deep in my heart and stomach that makes me want to do nothing more than to puke and wonder if their is anything so pure in the world anymore..
When the purity of a baby has been stripped away with death..
What is left then?
God..
-Danneh
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Thank you very much for your comment. I would say I'm sorry for making you feel so ill, but it was the whole purpose of the poem, so I will just thank you for taking time to read it and leave feedback. Take care
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Unusual
This poem leaves me confused, I can't say I understand any of it, but it has alot of great imagery and thoughts. The bird screeching "A rose is a rose is a rose" I thought was a creative idea and I loved the lines "nor isn’t a heart worth a bandage
to mop these spilling beads?" I would say a strange but really good write.
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Thanks for the comment. It's about a mother grieving her baby's death. The crow represents death. Thanks for reading though.
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