Sitting in a blackened room with a darkness one can feel,
is someone you once knew before,back when life was real.
Cigarette in their left hand and a pistol in their right,
not knowing if its the height of day or the middle of the night.
They are unaware of your presence as you peek timidly through the hole,
hoping to see what came to be of the body life had stole.
Inside remains all that's left of what the years have left behind,
a broken heart,shattered thoughts and a worn-out weary mind.
From time to time a you see a light,much to your surprise,
whats in that room is unknown,but the being has no eyes.
Your skin contracts,like a turtle,that crawls into its shell,
you don't believe in heaven,but now you know of hell.
You feel the weight of gravity that pours out from that room,
peering through the keyhole,witnessing the doom.
Like a cat you now see what the darkness tries to hide,
no longer can you stand this fright,you must see now whats inside,
Reluctantly you turn the knob and as you move on through the door,
no one's here,just remains of feelings felt before.
Flicking the switch on the wall,expecting to see the light,
but to no avail it's forbidden here, this room knows only night.
Awkwardly you stumble and fall weakly to the floor,
desperately trying to gather wit,and find that elusive door.
Feeling the comfort of a wall that seems to move towards you as you sit,
drenched in sweat a pounding heart you desperately cling to it.
Breathing calms as darkness soothes the last of all the fright,
to the left you feel some cigarettes and a pistol to the right.
Clutching both you light a smoke with an invisible shadowed flame,
take a drag that burns your lungs and melts into your brain.
Morbid comfort overcomes you while resting from despair,
gun in hand,armed with a smoke,your eyes now fill the empty stare.
Gazing off in darkness,glowing cigarette finally dies,
all that remains are feelings felt,and your darkened hollow eyes.
Written by : "S0UP" Hendrickson
Date : 08-08-2007
Time : 3.34am
A contest entry
- Ok, time to be picky! by Wrozes Thorne.
300 points, ended August 19, 2007, 12 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
GOT A LIGHT?
Comments
1 - 20 of 20
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Boy I really would get depressed if I sat in the dark, contacts like a turtle I liked that thank you for sharing it was a pleasure to read.
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EXCELLENT
You know soupie, I don't remember if I had ever replied to this before or not (I love ALL your writes) and you know I am serious!! This one is no exception. Written with excellence and dark (as you and I both seem to know so well how to write).
I still love ya soupie and I think of you often!!
eternal
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Superb Plus +
As one who, through various legimate means, has overcome chronic depression, I can personally relate to what you have written here, because I used to have thoughts like these. I also knew a friend who was bipolar, so I can also relate to that as well. You have my empathy. Extremely well written. -
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Yes, I knew right away what you were speaking of.
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wow this is really powerful! i like it, even though it's a little dark for my mood right now. my favorite part is "Like a cat you now see what the darkness tries to hide,
no longer can you stand this fright,you must see now whats inside,"
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I came to tears while reading this. It is exactly how I feel most of the time....in a dark forbidden place called my mind. No one wants to see it, or even know it exists. So we learn to lie for the world, pretending life is great. But inside, In this dark room, we die slowly each day.
This is a powerful peice.....I truly was glued to the page.
HD
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you earned that Gold and rightly so... your poem rocks unique and very creative thankx for sharing
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Dark and haunting!
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Excellent story told in verse, with some wonderful rhyming and lots of effort showing how you love to write........I adored this piece...novy
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You.... are.... an.... AMAZING.... poet.
This is just.... PERFECT!
I love it.
I really like dark poems, but you just took 'dark' to a whole new level.
Great job!
And congrats on the gold.
:->
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Awesome s0up! You are the shiot
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why thank you ma'am, you are also the shiot,lol
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It's not hard to see why this won a gold trophy.
A chilling yet captivating piece.
Brilliant imagery!
I enjoyed the read.
Thankyou.
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This is nicely done. Macabre, suspenseful, descriptive, and ironic. I love it.
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PeacefulLoveMelody:ummm, i think you commented on the wrong piece.
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well i have been looking at the title for some time and I finally decided to read it...it was a long write...but good points throughout it...after all there is always goodto find when we seek for it...
thank you for the lovely read and for sharing it with me and all your friends here too.... -
Excellent structure and rhyme. Flows great. It sounds like it would make a wonderful song. I can imagine that it took some work to finish this. Its not hard to have a rhyming pattern of a b c b or a b a b but it tends to be a lot more difficult to rhyme every line. The darkness and suspence of this piece really attracts draws me in. I enjoy the macabre, dark poetry. you did an awsome job of making a poem of this length and rhyme style without making it trite or redundent what so ever. Nice
-Brian-
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Wow, that is amazing! The was so much in that poem, I don't know what to say! Excellent write, I'm very impressed. And the rhyming meter was perfect! Thank you very much for entering my contest and the best of luck!
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thank you so much,im glad it inspired you. it's weird how ya can turn a bad time into a good poem,lol. oh,i like the pic on the contest page! gimme the thorns!
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Wow. Brilliant imagery.
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