Said the cat to the canary with a twinkle in his eye
"Surely you must grasp the subtlety of the matter"
The canary in top hat and tails replied
"Subtlety... is for the birds!"
"Fiddle dee dee" said the fish in the tree,
when asked what he did prefer.
So fiddle he didle while jay birds swam
round in circles in the shimmering sea.
"What shall I do?" asked the turtle to the shoe,
in the Klondike panning for gold
"Why, Search your sole" the shoe prescribed
and promptly disappeared.
Once, twice, gone, round the old square hole
where you've come to look down on me.
"It's not all bad!" I'll say with a grin
"You sure can see the sky from here!"
A contest entry
- Help Me Feel Good ~ Help Me Feel Happiness! by xxRainbowDawnxx.
300 points, ended August 27, 2007, 30 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Your BEST Prewrite! - For Mike [degarmo] - by Never Fall in Love.
950 points, ended October 29, 2007, 130 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
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did the cheshire cat get hold of some crack?
i'm just kidding ofcourse.. i think i should perhaps learn more about form..
then i would get more out of it
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Uhm, not so sure this one is all about form... I was just having a little fun, feeling a little... 'alice in wonderland' ish, and fooling around with rhyme.
Thanks for the comment!
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*poetrygasm*
Ok. I love. I love very, very much. So many people try to pull off that damnable nursery rhyme feel that I'm terrified of even reading any anymore, but this is lovely!
The one negative I have to say is that the first stanza is the strongest. It packs a more powerful punch then the rest of the poem, to me. It gives the rest of the poem something to live up to, and I'm not completely sure it did. I'd say that the third stanza is the weakest.
All the same, wonderful poem! Great work!
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I always enjoy encounters with people as raving mad as I am so--I quite enjoyed this.
It made me smile, and sort of say "what?"--in the best way possible.
Nicely done,
-Nadya -
Wow, I see it's not centered, lol, this one really
lingers on the mind, doesn't it?
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thank you for the comment, I really appreciate it.
What is it about the piece that stays with you?
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ehh .. a bit too happy for me.
I'm not really and completely in favour of these type of happy poems so they don't really appeal to me.
It was a good write, but, gosh I can't explain.
Thank you for entering and good luck in the contest
Never ♥ -
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In my defence... it's not actually that happy a poem.
It's actually an existentialist piece about the futility of life, and death.
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thank you for sharing your talent with me through this wonderful write. i wish you well in the contest that we both have entered. i am looking forward to reading more from you in the near future. viyanna rosemarie
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Funny one! Zanky and a couple of little puns in here that I liked "Soul" and "Sole" for example. Different take on the nursury rhyme idea. Different in most ways, actually. Good to read something unique.
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I can not be held responcible for the zany that happens behind my eyes. Nor can I be responcible for when it finds it's way into words.
I'm glad you liked it. I enjoy existentialism too.
The bottom line is, it's not all bad. It could always be worse, and all sorts of people have all sorts of crazy advice about how to make it better; and the truth of the matter is, what works for one person may not work for all of us.
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