I remember the day
you told me
you loved me...
You whispered it in my ear
so softly
I mistook it for the wind
telling me what I wanted to hear
but then the sun
shone like liquid gold
in your blue eyes
and they smiled at me
as you put your arm around me
and we turned to watch the sun
fall behind the mountain
while we just sat there
wrapped in a blanket...
not because we were cold
more for the feeling
of being so close
our hearts beat together...
and as the first star
twinkled above my head
I looked into your eyes...
and wished on the twinkle
in them instead...
that the summer would never end...
Author notes
COMPLETE FICTION!!!! (i have never had a boyfriend, let alone someone who loved me...except in kindergarten but thata doesn't count) I just really really wanted to enter a fictional piece into your challenge, so sorry it might be a little crappy...i hope you at least like it a little, and thanks so much for extending the date for me :)
kayla*
Written September 8th, 2003
A contest entry
- Summer Memories by CrimsonUniverse.
300 points, ended September 9, 2003, 13 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
-
"and as the first star
twinkled above my head
I looked into your eyes...
and wished on the twinkle
in them instead... "
Not crappy at all! This is such a precious poem...and it has more than enough grace and fanciful beauty to carry it though anything! You have some great talent with making words flow well and casting spells with words too!!! I especially like these lines above! You're an awesome poetess! I just can't believe how lucky I have been to have entered a contest that led me right into your author page and into a treasure hold of wonderful poetry, all of which I have already read, butholding to my promise...I owe you your due comments on each piece that I read...it is onlyfair right? I shouldn't just come and back in your lighted silver heart and not leave mythanks! Thanks for being you Kayla...is it ok to call you Kayla?
-
the sun
shone like liquid gold
in your blue eyes- this is amazing in its essence. Liquid gold, a great way to describe the sun!
The last three stanzas took my breath away. You are a wonderful writer.
Edited on Sep 20, 3:59 because 'spelling'. -
I thought it was sweet even if it didnt really happen
-
Awww very sweet! I go all bubbly with love now. I wish I had
experienced something like that
Talk about the perfect summer
then
Np about extending the date Thanks for entering and
good luck! Now I'm gonna go judge this contest.. somehow
Jen
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