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journey through life

the journey takes me through the pit with slate sky
my travels through the black abyss will soon end
as the hint of light draws closer to my soul
my work is soon done

wheels claw at the steel tracks below
as I make my way out of the deep darkness
emerging from the belly of the mountain
where saints dare not rest

power of steam flowing through metallic veins
fueled by the fire as the stokes man feeds my heart
my massive skin of steel carries the cargo
of human baggage

 

 

 

 

Author notes

Sapphic Form

The main building blocks of the sapphic are trochees and dactyls. The trochee is a metrical foot with one stressed syllable followed by an unstressed one (DAH-di), while the dactyl contains a stressed syllable followed by two unstressed ones(DAH-di-di). The first three lines of the sapphic contain two trochees, a dactyl, and then two more trochees. The shorter fourth, and final, line of the stanza is called an "Adonic" and is composed of one dactyl followed by a trochee.

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Comments

1 - 21 of 21

  • Auburn Sunrise gold member
    June 8, 2008

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    You know this is really dark for you, Sis. I was surprised (quite pleasantly).
    Beautiful poem. I love this form!


  • Marctheman
    August 9, 2007
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    very nice, i love this because it shows another side of you, great write.


  • suicideQueen
    August 8, 2007
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    pretty damn nice poem hun
    keep it up


  • Silent Cougar Moderators member
    August 8, 2007

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    Amera,
    Many a reader will have been thrilled with this one, as I am.

    Your use of diction and form, added with the metaphors used, have taken us on a journey not to be missed.

    It is clear to see, that without a doubt, when it comes to being classed as one of the top poets on here, you stand way up front on the platform, driving us to become the same, teaching as you steer home the wisdom and knowledge you have. I'm convinced that not only do you lay the tracks for us all to follow, but you know exactly how to reach the final destination without having to move the points.

    The only station this one is heading for, is clearly marked by your posting, 'Gold Central'.







  • Mairi bheag gold member
    August 8, 2007

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    Amera, this is very good. It puts me in mind of that extraordinary piece of music "Pacific 231" by Honegger, and you have used this image startlingly and effectively to talk of life. Do well in the contest!


  • Bazza
    August 8, 2007

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    Tracks of steel flexing.

    Excellent especially as my technical knowledge of poetry is non existent, it takes considerable freeing of the mind to cope with words shown this way. As n engineer which is a discipline dealing in only proven fact and theory it is difficult to let the mind free enough to travel throigh adventures of words such as this but doubles the appreciation when reading such work.
    Bazza


  • second-born
    August 8, 2007

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    This is such a very powerful dark poem...many people think that you have to be very pessimistic and use negative words just to create a dark poem...but your piece proved otherwise...I loved the imagery you used...very creative...and undoubtedly...you penned it wonderfully with a sapphic form...


  • poeticweaver gold member
    August 7, 2007

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    Wow,

    So detailed and much insight into a piece so very well inscribed... A wonder reading you, and I can appreciate your talent, and how totally cool ya are as well for a teacher that is..lol.. Thanks for sharing, peace, Timothy aka poeticweaver~ xo


  • RedAquarius
    August 7, 2007

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    Nicely layered, I got a kick out of the phallic symbolism in a sapphic poem, and enjoyed the dark scene set within as well, especially in the second quatrain. Good stuff.


  • Rose Angel gold member
    August 7, 2007

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    Tonight, I am overlooking the technique, but talking on the poem....It is one of suspense, and I see a train going through a tunnel...Apprehension, it's cargo human baggage" Some sad, poor scene somewhere you envision or are part of.....Very descriptive, full of imagery....An excellent poem with a difficult form of poetry


  • PerVirtuous
    August 7, 2007

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    I love this. It is beautiful, powerful, meaningful, and entertaining. I love the positive and uplifting message. This has always been a favorite form of mine and I am pleased to see it in use, especially so well used.


    I love the train in the tunnell as a metaphor in Sapphic verse... quite the little irony.


  • Hetha gold member
    August 7, 2007

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    Such stunning, clear images you paint with words! No matter the form you choose, it is a treat to read such wonderfully painted masterpieces. It is art in the written word, captured and carefully placed, beautifully as a buffet.


    • Amera gold member
      August 7, 2007
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      Thank you! What a lovely complement.


  • PrabhuDayal Khattar silver member
    August 7, 2007

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    my massive skin of steel carries the cargo
    of human baggage

    Humm ..please help me to praise the verse..as I am speechless my friend..





  • Cat
    August 7, 2007

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    i like to see someone experimenting with styles - i think you did an admirable job here- i like the belly of the mountain

    m


  • HaleyMary
    August 7, 2007

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    Powerful write. You are so good at writing this form of poetry. There was powerful imagery in this piece, too.
    It makes me think of life and the struggles everyone faces in their daily lives. Good luck in the contest.


  • Griswold silver member
    August 7, 2007

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    You know this is a beautiful poem Amera dear. But your authors notes are in Greek, you might want to translate for us simpletons!!! ..Lov ya...Scott


  • soulfultia gold member
    August 7, 2007

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    You are simply put a stunning poet. Dark, witty, loving poetry matters not...you always pull us in, deliver stunning imagery and allow us to linger for a bit in your words. Excellent work...again ~tia


  • PoetsAngel
    August 7, 2007
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    Forgot these!!!

  • PoetsAngel
    August 7, 2007

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    Beautiful, to take a humble stream train and write such beauty about it and compare it to life's journey is a wonderful talent, one which I am constantly in awe of.

    Cathy
    ♥♥♥


  • StarEyes
    August 7, 2007

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    Miss Form Queen at her best yet again!!!! I have no idea how you do it girl! I think I like the retournes best, and will work on some more of them before I try anything like this Fantastic!!!!

    Best of luck in this contest!

    and much love

    Nyetta

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