Somewhere in my head
This disease had been spread
All tranquility is taken
All serenity, forsaken
It’s ghostly and fey,
It's inside me to stay
I'm lying here without control
Beyond condemned, it holds my soul
All is transparent
And nothing is real
Nothing is solid
There's nothing to feel
There's nowhere to go
And there's nowhere to hide
No way to escape
So to this, we abide
Virtual reality
Might be taking over me
And if it does, what will I be?
Forever taken, never free
I know I should, and if I could
I'd drain this fog from me
You know I would, but I'm no good
At saving sanity
Not sure if no one understands
I’m walking with a stranger’s hands
Disease has caught me in a bind
Hindering my conscious mind
The stars are all dim
In this garden, grim
They no longer shine
And this voice isn't mine
Virtual reality
Has been taking over me
Too late to flee, unclear you see
To those who never will be free
And I know I should, if I could
I'd banish this from me
You know I would, but I'm no good
At saving sanity
Author notes
August 7, 2007... This is about how I constantly feel. I know I'm awake, but it feels like I'm dreaming... I get that vague sensation that doesn't go away no matter what.
Option 1
I wanna know how you deal and cope with your condition or how you feel when things get worse with it. Anythin will go as long as its about it.
In a list
A contest entry
- Keep it short by God is my reality.
375 points, ended August 8, 2007, 7 entries
Honorable winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - vicinity of obscenity -- face! by j-ay rose.
490 points, ended October 22, 2007, 25 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - ONLY ENTER IF YOU DARE!!!!!!!!!!!! by LoVeR aNd FiGhTeR.
440 points, ended September 23, 2007, 17 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Pre-write Party ~ Closes In One Day by Namita.
300 points, ended October 1, 2007, 104 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - anyone who has a mental disease. (schizophrenia, bi-polar-depression) anything by Desired-Lucidity.
600 points, ended November 6, 2007, 15 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Nothing Boring by cali951.
500 points, ended December 3, 2007, 109 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 40 of 40
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this was a piece that left me thinking ...it was very interesting thanks for entering
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Wow. I just read this poem again and it is A-MAZ-ING. I loved it. I guess it makes sense to read something more than once to fully understand it.
Great write.
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This is a pretty good poem but i'm gonna read it again so i can fully understand the message behind it.
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wow... this is amazing. so true. its amazing how you can word this in a way that can leave people [well me atleast] feeling like its me thinking.. jst not really me instead of some.. random thing i jst picked up to read. its amazing =]
great write
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Beautifully done
Whenever you write something that has the ring of truth it is a form of perfection. You have a great deal of self awareness regarding how you feel and I can't decide if this is a blessing or a curse.
Is it possible to feel too much? Or is the real danger in feeling too little? You put your feelings into words so well that I get a small taste of your experience -- that is what good writers do, they let the reader into their head, so to speak.
I love the line: "I'm walking with a strangers hands." That is a good way to describe your feelings of dissociation -- your feeling of distance from yourself.
I appreciate how difficult it may be to put your feelings into words, but I find your poems to be intelligent, sharp, emotional, and thought provoking.
Thanks
CaliOkie
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tears fall on that edge where memories run unclear...
leaving one wondering where they allwent!
Keep penning on one stroke at a time!
Bill
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HI, really good
i feel that way all the time too..like a shell without her pearl. I still haven't found a way to complete the hole. -
Very powereful piece. Congrats on the silver.
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wow i love this poem!
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THis is one of my favorites....i feel the same way
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Thank you for entering my contest, taking your time to put yourself out there and thank you for being tolerant of how long it took to get this thing judged.
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I think this is a great write it flows nicely and it makes you think almost give you chills..hmm..good luck in this contest^^
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Generally I would review a piece anyways however as I am pressed for time I won't go extensive.
This was good,
however you didn't follow two of my rules so you're DQ'd.
I'm sorry. :/ -
wow this is exactly how i feel i would have never been able to write how i feel as well as you do! great work
. Rewarded 4
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BTW, like the repetition of "At saving sanity" also!
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Damn good. Has a surreal atmosphere that I recognize and can relate to. I think the shrinks call it disassociation and you've captured that image perfectly. My only suggest is that the meter is a little uneven. Perhaps a few fluff words like starting a line with and, a few of the I, I'd, me, my words.
Lovely imagery of the fog, I AM impressed!
. Rewarded 6
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Liked the rhythm, rhyme, alliteration and flow of these lines - you have expressed how you feel very well. Something that nags and won't go away, never really being there, but kind of being in the background in a way. Certainly need to get a handle on reality - hope it comes back.
. Rewarded 6
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Oh my gosh, I feel the exact same way, this poem describes how I feel constantly. You did a really good job, your word choice and everything was excellent and you had a good rhythm. Good job.
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wOw
i really like this alot
keep up the good work
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Wonderfully done. The rhyme and flow are both smooth and unforced. I love the idea behind this. Wonderful poem. Love it. Thank you for sharing.
. Rewarded 4
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Stockpiling sanity! I love the concept and the way you have so gently woven this into four line stanzas with a consistent rhyme scheme . . . love it!
. Rewarded 4
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wow this is an amazing write!
i love how you keep saying and i know i should, if i could....and so on!
your a terrific writer, and good luck in all the compettions!!!!
stephanie -
This is a beautiful and heart-felt write, you were brave in writing and sharing this write with others, I could relate but managed to free myself from such a dilema.
Be brave, it's just another brick wall to conquer in ones life.
Godspeed my friend, if you believe in yourself, you will find that all those dim lights will shine again.
Love and Light.
. Rewarded 6
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From your author notes, you have stated that you were describing how you feel. Yes tippically, the feeling we feel, are mostly cleche, but i think you should look back over this again a change some of the wording, and show the reader some saction, or discriptive words to enhance the feelings there. What does "alone" feel like for example.
Other then that No problems, and has touched me, because in my reality, i feel the same most times, and to tell you, when i am awake, i know i am dreaming, because when i am asleep, i am realy awake! -
Somewhere in my head
The disease had been spread
My tranquility taken
All serenity forsaken
wonderful this poem is exactly what i am going through right now everything has been forsaken it seems
It strangles my mind
Leaving me blind
I'm lying here without control
Beyond condemned, it holds my soul
my mind does feel strangled ALL the time indeed not knowing which way to go sometimes forgetting to breath my soul feels like its drowning thank you so much for sharing you did awesome
. Rewarded 8
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great write no wonderful write its dark mistic and a truth relies in it.
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i really like this. i love the flow and the ryhme the most, but all the emotion behind it, its just seems all perfect together. awesome job.
. Rewarded 4
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This is a wonderful piece, and I, as I'm sure many have, felt this way before. You've captured your exasperation and confusion wonderfully. Superbly written.
. Rewarded 4
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Nice I really like it
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wow. a powerful poem. loved it. really nice flow and nice way of showing your feelings.
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I can relate to these words...
And I know I should, if I could
I'd banish this from me
You know I would, but I'm no good
At saving sanity
...that is how I often feel. Poet, you have such a deep verse here... ~jeremi
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Hmm...
First, I really like these lines...All is transparent
Nothing is real
Nothing is solid
There's nothing to feel
I know I should, and if I could
I'd drain this fog from me
You know I would, but I'm no good
At saving sanity....
I wish this was a little more complex. I like my emotions to be tested. It is an excellent write and I commend your flow. Very nice. Thank you and good luck.
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i can relate to this. sometimes, you feel like you're looking at yourself from another person's point of view, when feeling numb. the feeling of numbness can come from a misunderstanding between someone else and you or someone close to you. sometimes, i also feel like this when i'm daydreaming or doing a mundane task at work
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wow! excellent work! I loved the way you ended the piece "You know I would, but I'm no good
At saving sanity" so good!!! This piece was full of strong emotion I really enjoyed it!! Thank you so much for entering! Excellent work and the best of luck in my contest!!!
-Steve- -
This is very good,I like this.Do you feel as if your watching your self,as if from a different person?just wondering.Thank you and good luck!
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Yes, I often feel I am on the outside looking in
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I can kind of relate to this...sometimes I get the feeling that I'm dreaming but awake at the same time. I'm sorry, I'll leave a better comment tomorrow, for now I am going to bed. Congrats on the trophy x take care x
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Thanx : )
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Beautiful poem. It is powerful but gentle at the same time. The flow is very natural, and the rhyme scheme is amazing. I love your choice of words. You did a great job
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Excellent rhyme and rhythm, and a real dream-like atmosphere. Love the image of the fog, and glad it doesn't obscure your poetic talent!
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