mangled limbs-
dry skin stretched over
splintered bone, stacked
tidily and sheathed in mosquito netting.
ragged, shattered breaths.
behind rice paper eyelids
your eyes are still clear and bright.
you are beautiful.
pulse fluttering
desperately through
your crumpled body.
you are beautiful.
Author notes
don't ask where it came from. i don't know what to think of this. i'd really appreciate hearing your thoughts!
(june 2006)
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
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It feels like theres a depth, a meaning to this that I can't quite grasp, that I shouldn't understand...I don't want to take it literally, but I can't find the 'right' way to look at it...this is a beautiful poem...
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I find myself wishing I could write like you. I am at a loss for words. Stunning.
By keeping this vague you allow the reader to conjure so many images of their own -- there is a wonderful mysterious quality and I'm so glad you did not dilute that with some trite "explanation."
Garrison
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Very Good
I picture a lover that's just been found after jumping off a building, after a senseless fight. But I have lots of imagination, so who knows
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Stunning.
I really do like this. Just raw and stark in its imagery...I was repulsed and enraptured all a the same time. The pictures I saw were disturbing and them somehow the sontrasts you created just left me awed.
"Behind rice paper eyelids your eyes are still clear and bright."
My favorite.
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the first image that came to mind was a rather disturbing one,
of a burn victim.
Because I am absolutely terrified of fire and being burned, and horrified almost to the point of insanity at the sight of a burn victim - this one made me balk.
I did make myself read it again, and got a completely different image the second time... an abuse victim perhaps?
I love the image of the bright eyes behind "rice paper eyelids"... stunning imagery and visual.
Definitely a worthy and gorgeous write, no matter what the meaning or inspiration was. -
Great imagery!
As I am reading your work, I can see that you are very skilled at using powerful imagery in your poems. I like this poem very much but a couple of the line breaks didn't flow for me (I realize that this is personal preference) but I would have liked "eyelids" to be on the previous line with "behind rice paper" It was a little confusing to read
eyelids your eyes are still clear and bright.
as one line.
Beautiful poem.
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This was unique! This somewhat reminds me of a dead body yet still looks beautiful.. Don't know that is what I thought of.
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brilliant, images forming together to make a vivid picture, love this type of poetry.
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juxtaposition of images with a tone of irrationality conjures up an intense feeling of unfamiliarity...uncommon beauty...which is always what real beauty is.....rare ..unique...even shocking
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the word crumpled is, i have noticed, quite powerful. i especially like the rice paper eyelids metaphor. I think the first stanza would feel a bit cleaner if you take out the burn scars line. otherwise, excellent write, could be about many different types of injuries/illnesses.
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That is beautiful too
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