Sitting in class book open wide,
I begin to wonder "Can they see inside?"
Do their eyes see straight through
Through the make-up, the clothes, through to
The very core of me my soul my heart
Can they see how I'm lost confused and broken apart?
Is the facade ruined, thrown away?
Is the lie of my strength exposed today?
Have they noticed the tremor in my voice,
The hesitation when I make a choice.
My fear bottled up behind a dam
Can they see I'm really not sure who I am?
Author notes
I wrote this in the spring of 2007. An expressive poem of truth and something I struggle with constantly.
Comments
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Awesome
You have really captured the way so many feel. Always putting on one face to hide another. Well written
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You really should break this up into stanzas. It would make ti a lot easier to read. Third to last line, there should be a question mark not a period. And the penultimate line really should either have a period or a comma, because it and the last line follow different ideas and it's bordering on run-on. And the fifth line has a list with no commas. Why no commas? Please fix.
But all of those are little things, keep in mind. Grammar mistakes that are easily fixed. In general, this is brilliant. Take away the grammar problems, the words are really quite deep and emotional. This completely expresses the feelings you feel. There's no feeling of leaving it unfinished, a very difficult thing to achieve let me tell you. I love this. It's amazing. Incredible. Very well done. I enjoyed this quite a lot.
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