Shadow makes pray
of the shining world
where you once trod
In light, so false
Radiant gray
The sea of joy is shallow
you hit the spot
where the sea ran out
With nothing, the grief
is hard to swallow
Sight no longer barred
Existence seem
meaningless and dark
From shadow, you see
The world's play yard
Afar appears another gleam
Blinded you’re lead
back once more
To light, so real
Radiant you scream!
Author notes
This is the first poem I wrote that I was satisfied with, and dared show to other people. So it holds a special sentimental meaning to me...
A contest entry
- The Meaning of Life by Mezclita.
1000 points, ended August 12, 2007, 14 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - for poets with no trophies by aeolia.
300 points, ended September 12, 2007, 14 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Go For The Win!! by Nephalaneous lover.
340 points, ended August 10, 2007, 43 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - A Random Contest for Random People. by Phiona.
550 points, ended September 5, 2007, 38 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 14 of 14
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This one has really grown on me... the more times I read it the more I appreciate it! It's really dry but true... a never ending cycle of confusion... glad I gave you HM n gl with the other contests hope you get a shiny yellow radiant light reflecting trophy on someone else's contest soon!!
lol <3 Alex
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This first stanza is great:-
Shadow makes pray
of the shining world
where you once trod
In light, so false
Radiant gray
With that I am drawn into the whole peom and interested to hear what comes next and the imagery I thought was very good.
If I can be so bold, it looks like you are describing the moment before dawn. Am I right or wrong?
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I like it. How you take us on a journey from (light to ) shadow to light with emotion that is not emotion as there is nothing there. I loved "radiant grey"
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Wow. When I first saw the title, I was ever so much intrigued...and I really liked how you used the title in the poem. A very interesting piece. Good job.
Kudos. -
Wonderful job here. I liked it. Easy to follow and enjoy. Just pure reading pleasure from beginning to end. Thank you for sharing and best wishes to you. Keep that pen handy dear poet. ~Midnight Lace
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You have reason to be proud of this poem..
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Wow, I can understand why you are proud of this poem. It is wonderfully written and amazing. I particullarly liked the last stanza, and the line "Radiant you scream". It just captured my imagination for some reason. Congratulations on a write that you can be so proud of and Good Luck.
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great write and good luck in the contest.
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this is cliver in its meaphore, I like this the title is good too yeah good job man.
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Though the end reminded me too much of the "ripple effect", the tunnel of light after death and sorts (maybe because I've recently been reading into them as a result of other contestants' work) I'd say this is otherwise quite original. Also like the style, the way you play with + repeat a few words. Subtle & very effective towards the message! Thanx 4 it ^^
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True talent
a real poetic write here.
Smile,
Judy
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Thank you
It's always nice to recieve comments like that, especially from someone who manage to publish something (I do hope to do that myself some day, but for now I am just writing for fun).. again, thank you
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Oooh, I like the rhyme scheme in this, it's really different. I couldn't find a favourite part because I loved it all! Your words kept me hanging on until the last sentence!
Iris
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thank you.. I did work a while on the structure in this. I am glad you like it
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