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[ if I loved you ]

if I loved you
would that be
enough?
or would you have
to love me, too?

what do we need?  blue
sky, air & a first
to kiss, a forgotten
hopeless hope, that spark
of romance so repressed
it keeps us alive
as nothing else will

what an end to dreaming
the impossible thing
made from stolen moments &
only put together finally
in forgotten places

love - which end
is it that matters?
coming or going,
I know right
when I see it
& wrong when I lose it

Author notes

This sprung out nearly fully-formed, and I didn't do much editing on it. The biggest part was really just rearranging the stanzas, as they came out 1, 4, 2, 3 - b ut I think it's better this way. Inspiration is a funny thing!

Please tell me what you think

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    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression? • Line numbers
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Comments

1 - 5 of 5

  • Ellis gold member
    December 29, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    You seem a bit stand-offish to me
    Too far from me to get a good whiff
    Coming or going, it's love that I see
    Come close so I can get a good sniff

    Tiki Cat, famous cat lover

  • SatieScully
    August 9, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I really really really enjoy this! =]
    Great job.

    Fantastic.

    I really liked the beginning&ending.
    Great great great. =]

  • Nat
    August 7, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Its rearrangment from the norm makes this unique Kevin. This reminds of a quote I know of, "There really is no such thing as opinions, some souls are just misguided a little." You are right about how the little things in life are what drives us. Another true write!
    -roti


  • astralshepherd gold member
    August 7, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    i am so fond of the broken rhyme...maybe because the mind plays with it so well. as in your "too" and "blue" as it carries over, slides into the next line. and, as i've said earlier, i love the sounds created in the spoken poem the play of click and tutt
    bouncing along with soft vowelings. It feels fresh, alive and wise.

    blessings and best wishes,

    ~richard


    • Kevin Moderators member
      August 7, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      Thanks You've described well one of the aspects of my 'older' style poetry I liked a lot, which was playing around with the feeling of the words and the way the rolled off the tongue, etc. Not that I ever read them in person, but still, thats how I thought of it. It's an entirely different attack angle from the concreteness one as well, interesting.
1 - 5 of 5