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Feelings in disguise

 

Fading minds feed the world what it wants,
feelings in disguise.  
Forever lost in fame and fortune
truth reshape to lies.
In the time of deceit, language exists
to conceal true thought.

In the hearts of humans the vital lie lives,
on the free it prays.
Forever united in a dream
of even better days.
A living earth grants what we wish for,
gifts to be desired

Fading minds feed the world what it wants,
feelings in disguise.
With false relief we let slip,
to welcome decaying rise.
The dream will kill the ever faithful
keepers of the real.

In the time of deceit, language exists
to conceal true thought.
The truth is lost in a stream of words,
one which can’t be fought.
While the human race forever seek
answers to deadly dreams.





Author notes

This is a transelation of one of my norwegian poems. I think it works tho...

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 29 of 29

  • Mezclita
    December 11, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Indeed it works...

    "Fading minds feed the world what it wants"

    "language exists
    to conceal true thought."

    "In the hearts of humans the vital lie lives,
    on the free it prays."

    "While the human race forever seek
    answers to deadly dreams."

    Harsh but I like it!^^

  • xTomorrowx
    December 9, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I like it, it's a very good write, and from the amount of comments below I'm sure there is nothing I can say about it that hasn't already been said lol
    Great write! Thanks for entering and good luck! =)


  • Sinnastarr silver member
    November 25, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    This is a very good write. You presented your thoughts quite well here. There is a lot of emotion behind your words. I was hooked till the very last line. I liked the stanza,
    "In the hearts of humans the vital lie lives,
    on the free it prays.
    Forever united in a dream
    of even better days.
    A living earth grants what we wish for,
    gifts to be desired"
    I can see why you won a bronze trophy.
    Well done Poet.
    Keep up the good writing.

  • michaeline
    November 24, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Good luck on the contest you have a real good chanse.I like this poem.Deep well thought out


  • Swintha
    November 23, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I like the way you rhymed in this poem. This poem makes me angered towards society, but not in that way that I want to outburst that anger on some small innocent person and kill them, its more of a calm anger where I take in what you've said and realise it. Thanks for a great read.

    -Swintha

  • broxbax
    November 22, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    This is so good! It really makes you think about how the world really is. Thanks for sharing this piece! :]


  • GypsyEyes
    November 22, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Fading minds feed the world what it wants,
    feelings in disguise.
    With false relief we let slip,
    to welcome decaying rise.
    The dream will kill the ever faithful
    keepers of the real.

    God i loved this! I completely get what you're saying! By far the best I've read today!
    ~Dommi


  • myorama
    September 26, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    A very thought provoking piece. How often and how many hide truth behind disguised lies. How many hunger, thirst and die all because of such lies. Thank you for sharing.

  • goodbyegirl
    September 26, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Very honest and thought-filled piece.

  • pruedence
    September 26, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Great meaningful words within this poem..well done, enjoyed reading each word..thanks for sharing


  • Tarja
    September 26, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Lovely.


  • luna-midnight gold member
    September 8, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    This is an amazing poem, and shows such honesty it amazes me!!!
    the words are befitting of the poem, it goes wonderfully!
    good luck!
    stephanie


  • BeautifulFlame
    September 8, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I can feel what you are saying sadly , maybe one day people and the world will change (okay that the crazy optimist lady talking) lol
    I do understand and it flowed well , the english was very good also!
    Great write i can see your desire to change things.
    ~Lisa~


  • ModernXTimes
    September 8, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    What a great poem. It's so true, and I think it's the truth that you convey that makes it so meaningful. Keep up the good work!


  • wolfcub
    September 5, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I rally hate people who can WRITE in more than language. Grrrr. Yeah, this is beautiful. I reckon it translates OK!
    Thankyou for entering and good lcuk in my contest.
    Katie


  • jaffa-forbes
    August 21, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Good stuff. I agree with most of what the people below have said. Very thoughtful. Good luck!

    jaff

  • eternal-devotion
    August 21, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    I think this is great.

    My first impression is that this poem shows a great understanding of how we all tend to show the world of just what we think is what they expect. emotionally I can put myself in these words for I very seldom show the world just who I am. This is not a bit awkward at least for me. I would only change the spelling of two words,(harts)to (hearts)in the first line of the second verse, and (relief) instead of (relieve) in the third verse. I can't find anything that I disliked about this piece. The title is perfect for this piece. The first line sets the tone for this work in the best possible way. The last line sums this up in the very best possible form. Overall I liked this .


  • raggyann
    August 21, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    this was deep
    and sad
    but its hard for some people to shine with reality when theres so much wrong
    great message


  • stilllake
    August 20, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    I like it...

    Very deep thoughts and very good English. A bit negative, though, I would like to think that there is truth in this world everywhere, maybe we don't look hard enough and it is right in front of our eyes!


  • Devils Reject
    August 20, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    "In the time of deceit, language exists
    to conceal true thought.
    The truth is lost in a stream of words,
    one which can’t be fought.
    While the human race forever seek
    answers to deadly dreams."

    this is my fave part. i love this!


  • Jalalbad gold member
    August 14, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    you got it right

    Great write. I pray that I never fade with the world.
    I'd rather starve in truth and live than to be fed on sweet lies
    and starve to death. This comment makes no sense? I'm sorry it just came out that way.
    Smile
    Judy


    • Cirion
      August 14, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      makes much sense i feel the same way...


  • CrimsonRain1313
    August 11, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    yup. it definitely works.
    smooth flow && a chilling message.
    itz an eye opener to the harsh reality society is too blind to notice.
    i luv it.
    nice work.
    Peace && Blesses
    ~Rain


  • Ale E
    August 9, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    This is very very good. Very interesting. I especially liked the flow. Very smooth indeed. Thank you for entering. BEst of luck in my contest.


  • Uniquely-Scarred
    August 9, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    yeah this good well writen, i like this king of dark society bassed stuff, this was well writen really enjoyed this


    • Cirion
      August 9, 2007
      Edit | Reply

      thanks :)

      glad you liked it ... I will take a look at your writings ...

  • Cirion
    August 8, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Thank you both I like this poem myself. In it's original language it doesn't have the end rhymes either, it just supposed to flow on the words. I am gled to see others think it does that


  • The Black Iris
    August 7, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I really think it works It sounds really nice to read, the flow makes it work. I love the ideas behind it. My favourite parts are:
    'The dream will kill the ever faithful
    keepers of the real.'
    and:
    'The truth is lost in a stream of words,
    one which can’t be fought.
    While the human race forever seek
    answers to deadly dreams.'
    I really love your work, it's really engaging. Also, thank you for your comment on my poem 'light' any comments you leave are much appreciated.
    Iris.


  • Re-invention silver member
    August 7, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    very good. some is true I believe. thank you very much for commenting my own poems. your writing is very nice too.

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