Aye girl, your mistress was not ever old,
But had a face of monstrous radiance
And hair so stained with blood beneath its gold:
Why man hates woman; my bewitching dance.
But listen to the truth my girl, listen!
Hera, in pity, made a form of me,
An image that luxuriated in
The death of her kinsmen, the mothers’ plea!
I from homeland, now hateland, was snatched
To Egypt: safe but for me, strange, detached.
My finery, my jewels like eyes, were stripped
At last, my curs’ed face was blank, unseen;
Safe neath Poseidon’s tomb, secret, I slipped
From dark rock to night water, at last clean.
Theonie, sea nymph: the seer, her blind eyes
The first to reach beyond my dazzling face.
Visions warned us of a lustful king’s spies...
Again one shameless, for my soil’ed grace-
My friend turned from me, salt tears hid in shame,
Her own brother’s men were the ones to blame.
My girl, Theonoe’s kinsman was but young
A weak indulged boy-king, whose life, depraved
Had shamed their father; worshiping the sun
Its earthly likeness gold, in truth he craved.
Alas! Hera’s charity was wasted!
Again my honour would be torn from me-
Basely used till appetites were sated
Then my cruel face become mere property.
Distraught, I stumbled to the cliffs of death
Hera cried ‘Stop!’ … then silence … then, a breath-
Who was this filthy, ragged shipwrecked Greek,
Shuffling, a mournful crane, over the sand?
He would hate Helen, so I bade him ‘Speak!
Or kill this despised Queen!’ He stretched his hand,
Led me to the cold ribcage of a ship
Where sat a woman with a dreadful look:
My guilt, my pain, my eyes, my brow, my lip-
It was the image of me Paris took.
I looked again, beyond the man’s cracked skin;
It was my true love, my husband, my kin.
My image gazed from his face to my own,
Entreated heaven for a place to rest
And melted like ice, leaving us alone,
Together yet facing our greatest test-
That lusty pharaoh still desired my flesh
And sniffed around, a mean and hungry hound.
I hid my man, and wove a cunning mesh
Of words in which the youngster would be bound:
“This shipwreck did a widow make of me
After funeral rites, to wed I’m free.”
The fool gloated, “Of course! And not too soon,
Has your freedom from wedlock come about!”
Gathered slaves, priests, gifts neith the very moon-
“Quickly! Chant and pray, give your mourning shout
For we may wed at dawn.” I begged a craft,
For libations to his Sea-God father-
And on this golden, plenty-laden raft
I and husband prayed, drifting out further…
Until their arrows crash short into sea
In his kind hands Poseidon lifts us free.
What can you learn, my girl, from one so old?
Whose tale raises your eyebrows, contrary
To the one you do know, so often told.
Fewer morals in this real-life story;
I am not evil, neither wholly good.
No one land to hate, nor one family
To extol; a tale not just 'understood',
Tale of mingled gall and wine - true? ...Nearly,
But rather lived; and like my face, in life
Mere icons cannot explain mankind’s strife.
Author notes
This is a prewrite but no 'select' button would appear when I tried to enter prewritten work from the drop-down so I've entered it by cutting-and-pasting, as it seemed to fit.
A note on rhythm- THEONOE is said 'thee-yo-nee' - there are several pronunciations depending on what region the story is from and whether is being read with 'authentic' or modern accent (bit like Shakespeare). I picked the one that fits most easily into sonnet format - its the modern one.
This is a regional variation on the conventional Helen myth. It was written into a play by the Ancient Greek playwrite Euripedes, where it caused a riot because of the deliberate moral ambiguities within the text. I was in a production of it back in 1997!!
Written June 16th, 2003
A contest entry
- Theater-in-the-Round by Gossamer Guile.
600 points, ended August 8, 2007, 10 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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Hi, the poem has potential, but is ragged, as if you are not sure what to do- for example -was not ever old- surely better if written- was never old- I did LAMDA, and this would have been frowned on, also curs'ed, no need at all and it is incorrect, anyone with a minimum of education would know cursed can be pronounced in 2 ways,the idea is good and the story interesting but, if you wish to write using the archaic language you will have to become a specialist, as to do it correctly is not easy. I feel and it is only my humble opinion that this poem would be well worth editing, and could become a very good poem, sometimes simplicity can be very effective when doing narrative poems, all the best.Di
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Good content on this, but (if I may give you some advice), your phrasing sounds rather pompous. Phrases like 'anyone with a minimum of education would know...' are inflamatory and reek of one-upmanship. My 'minimum' includes 5 years University+ training in English, history of dialect and drama. In that time, I have seen the word curs'ed used numerous times in translated texts designed for reading to clarify pronunciation; I didn't make it up.
Also, in the context of a recent forum where I politely disagreed with you, the 'one upmanship' tone might seem like you are trying to 'put me in my place'.
Tone in reviewing is very, very important.
Which course did you do at LAMDA, by the way? Are we talking about the drama school? I trained at Central (CSSD) and the IoE, London. -
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Hi, oh dear I did not wish to offend, as to your comment to one of mine in all honesty I do not believe I have read it, was it that scathing?lol, another thing that puzzled me in this write was also the use of aye in the begining, aye middle english or scottish slang for yes, seemed a little out of place in a story about Helen in Egypt, but maybe I am nit picking,why not write this in all old English (for use of a better word), as you are specialised in the history of dialect and the English language, I feel it would be great, by the way the answer to your other question is advanced level, It is good to exchange ideas and hope we shall do it often in the future, my thoughts were only personal ones, but as I said before I loved the idea of this write, all the best,DI
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Thanks for this. It is a problem with the internet that things can sound harshly put when they aren't actually meant that way.
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This is a truly amazing piece. I was drawn in from the start, hanging on every word, seeing every movement, as if it were right in front of my eyes. I have never heard Helen's take on her worship at Troy, and I found this a beautiful renditon of what her thoughts could have been. I am actually quite fond of Euripedes, and liked this pice very much. Well done, and thank you for entering.
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