Dreadful blackness pressing in,
Whispers dancing on my skin;
Secrets swirling, circling round
Inside shadows most profound.
Stark fears running through my mind
Set loose by evil defined
As hate and dread intertwined.
Then hope flares with a harsh hiss,
Glad the darkness to dismiss.
Licking at the murky gloom,
Growing like a flowers bloom,
The fire sways and surges,
Crackling as it diverges
Until the dark it purges.
Author notes
This is for a contest in which I was inspired by another author's poem; here is a link to the original: http://allpoetry.com/poem/2701260 "Light to Darkness" by tender-butterfly
Mine is in the alliterisen form.
A contest entry
- Re-create by tender-butterfly.
420 points, ended August 18, 2007, 9 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - I AM NOT SIMON by Swan song.
800 points, ended September 8, 2007, 26 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Rhyme Time by Danna Hobart.
375 points, ended October 12, 2007, 32 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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Because I got so many entries, I am going to judge this a little different than I normally do. On the contest page the challenge was to write a rhyming poem that shows instead of tells, with imagery and metaphor galore. In addition to those things, I am going to take the meter and rhythm into account along with originality. So I am going to award points for each of those things and then sort of tally them at the end to decide on the winners.
Show vs. Tell: 80/100
Concrete Imagery: 90/100
Metaphor/Symbol/Allusion: 95/100
Originality: 75/100
Meter: 90/100
This is one of the best I have read so far when it comes to showing instead of telling. Thanks for entering. -
I am reading it after you corrected what Jeff said
I love this, you have done an exellent piece of poetry here
I love that you painted a picture in my mind to go with the words
Riftkin -
This is a very good write and I enjoyed the read it was almost perfect so here comes the bad part Get Ready! Line four reads at the end So profound.
So is used So dang often it becomes reduntant.
In my humble opinion if you could change that line
that would perfect the poem.
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I agreed, so I've changed it. Read it again please. Thanks for the nice comment. Hope you're having fun with your contest. Lady Lilly
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Great
Oh wow!!!
This is really a something that is worth reading...
I can't believe you got this out of my write but there isn't anything much that I can say than well done...
Good job...
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Very powerful, awesome write, I would love to try this form sometime (form rules would be appreciated in an IM. Great closing phrase that seals an emotive feast of a read with cohesive strength.
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