In my life; unsteadiest of courses
I will admit, I seldom do what’s right
but on a trail first blazed by wing-ed horses
I feel there’s greater evil I must fight
The masses say “The government is wrong”
but don’t these masses make this horrid beast?
Well, me, I say just hit another bong
cause I just don’t regard them in the least
They will support what they do not believe
manipulated by society
but I am one they never will deceive
I won’t fall victim to sobriety
You say “Another day, another dollar”
I say “Another slave, another collar”
A contest entry
- Drugs ♥ by forbidden-colour.
300 points, ended August 8, 2007, 16 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Sonnets, sonnets, and more sonnets by RatherImaginative.
1925 points, ended September 8, 2007, 40 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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Now this ...
is more like it. If this had been in a submission to Sonnetto Poesia, I'd have looked twice at it. I don't like "wing-ed", and that detracts from the poem a lot. However, the rest of this is fairly well done. The final couplet is the strongest part, of course, and it lifts the rest over the top. Bravo!
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Your meter is pretty good in most places. Just my opinion, but in the last two lines of the 2nd stanza, the twice using of the word "just" is a little redundant. You needn't change it unless you want to, but I think flow and impact could be improved by it. I love the couplet, but each line has one more syllable than it should. Your anthem, or pieces of it at least, is shared by many, myself included, particularly in the 2nd stanza. And how tempting it can be to want to find escape, rather than conform to the accepted view of "normal". I would prefer to keep my wits about me, though, so as not to fall prey to them.
Thanks so much for entering my contest!
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This was a good sonnet, a good write over all, although I am not into drugs and don't understand their purpose in this world except to ruin everything, I still find this a good write, as it is quite well written and I can respect these views, as many of my friends do share them. good luck.
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Well, I am glad that you enjoyed this, and I will attempt to explain to the best of my ability, what purpose drugs have in the world. A man alone can inflict damage, but the potential to do so is intensified by the use of weapons. The mind alone has nearly unlimited boundaries, but they are still there. Drugs are the weapons of the mind, to destroy the barriers and view the world as a pure being, if only for a moment.
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I really enjoyed the two last stanzas; they really spoke to me. i love how you disprove the contradictions in society, the way our society disapproves of our corrupted culture, yet still is a part of creating it. I also really admire your apathetic tone toward it- somewhat of a strange comment- but i myself am the same way. So let's just smoke another bong... and forget all that is wrong.
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Yes, I would have to agree with you.
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