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Self-Mutilation: Mind and Body

She cuts because she can't

Stand to look at herself;

The once perfect skin,

Now grotesquely scarred

Beauty betrayed by lies

Loved long ago, now destitute

Her body rests in ribbons

While her heart...

Sleeps in anguish 

 

The blood soaked lining

Of the ebony coffin

Her favourite colours

Dressed in robes of ivory

Claret red lips

Alabaster beauty

Long hair of the Raven

A crimson and pearl rose held

In the tiny hands of the

 

Innocent 

 

Author notes

I actually kinda like this one...but Ionno. I was sleeping and came up with the first bit, and was going to just blow it off, but I felt like I had to write it out.

please, let me know what you think...give me CONSTRUCTIVE response. I'm not too sure about this one. I know I like it, but I don't know what I like about it. So I want to know what you guys like and hate about it, so that I can figure out why I like it :]

Thanks always!

Kat
[Trial and Error]

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Comments

1 - 37 of 37

  • ASleepingPoppy
    July 22, 2008

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    i like it, the words are beautiful, what i don't like is that it sounds seperated,

    "She cuts because she can't

    Stand to look at herself;

    sounds choppy to me, i know it will completely have to revise the whole poem if you do what i'm saying but if you like it and it helped you to get emotions out thats all that really matters isn't it?

    on a side note, i know a person dear to my heart that has had these issues, REAL ISSUES, not the "oh i'm cool because i have black hair and people can see my scars" issues. and he did it to hide his emotion, to control it, thankfully i got him out of it, and i hope writing helps...

    that is all

    keep penning


  • Andi. gold member
    July 3, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    i love this kinda dark/emo writing. interesting Kat, interesting.
    i love every line and every meaning.
    well done X 100,000


  • Icarus
    May 5, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Sad but very true and nicely written. You've captured and shown the mind and life of a cutter in a beautiful way.


  • Immortal Obscurity gold member
    March 2, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is beautiful, yet grotesque, all in the same breath. When I saw the title, I'll admit that my first thought was, 'oh dear God, not another piece of emo slit-wrist garbage', but you proved me wrong. Instead, you dragged me into the deepest, darkest recesses of a cutter's mind, and I actually enjoyed it. On top of that, your poem made me despise the emo subculture even more.

    You see, cutting is a serious issue, and those little emo kids are just making it into a joke. It's not only an annoyance, but it's also an insult to those who actually need help. There is NOTHING glamourous or trendy about harming yourself, so get over it, people!

    *cough*

    Sorry, I really needed to get that out! Anyway, point it, great work, and I look forward to reading more!

    Laura xxx


  • Angel Full Of Hurt
    November 18, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    Dark poem

    I know this is dark..painful and suffering..but it just sparks...it's nice...

  • Angel Full Of Hurt
    November 18, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    Outstanding write!

    WOW impressive, fantastic and tremendous! 3 big words there describing this lovely write...i like it...i love this piece..it's tasteful, it's written really well...

    She cuts because she can't

    Stand to look at herself

    The once perfect skin,

    Now grotesquely scarred

    Beauty betrayed by lies

    Loved long ago, now destitute

    Her body rests in ribbons

    While her heart...

    Her heart sleeps in anguish


    this whole part here...i had to paste...from beginning to end..this poem is JUST BEAUTIFUL..yes...you've got a talent made of gold!

  • celadia
    November 13, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Sad poem but very telling about self destructive behavior I hope its not yourself that you're talking about Lots of love.


  • Sean Logue
    November 8, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    Painful.

    Well described, like it.


  • just a voice
    August 28, 2007

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    This is great. I was just reading you're arguement with David Wakeling and I think the thing he doesn't get is that a poem is not for the writer but rather by the writer. It doesn't matter what the writer intended to be there, what matters is what the reader get from it. So what if you were or were not talking about someone who commited suicide... so what that her name was or wasn't mentioned... none of this matters because like you said the girl is hidden. No one know or reconizes her. Shes completly forgotten, completely forsaken, usless, meaningful to everyone around her, unimportant. Thats the point... you don't know her name. Its really not hard to tell thats whay you never mentioned it. Anyways I'd just like to say that I really love this. Its great. Nice job.


  • Tenshi Asakura
    August 14, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    that was beautiful! loved the vocabulary and the figurative language. the flow was very nice and well placed. i very much enjoyed reading this keep up the good work!


  • CazzieJade
    August 13, 2007
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    Beautiful.


  • Danneh
    August 13, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    This was a beautiful piece, and as easily as I could ramble about that, you asked for constructiveness. One point I'd like to make is that it might sound better out loud if you did
    'While her heart...
    ---- sleeps in anguish'

    Instead of repeating the her heart.. I don't know.. Just doesn't flow right on my tongue..

    Your vocabulary is phenomenal.. You did an excellt job darling.

    -Danneh<3(Knows what it's like to not stand the sight of yourself


  • islekine gold member
    August 11, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    Nice piece....

    Thanks for entering!


  • requiempoet gold member
    August 11, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    I think I've read this before!!! I don't like the content but I'm a recovering cutter ( and BOY some days its fucking hard)...but I don't think that it's ever ok to carve or bleed or anything like that....fabulous poem.


  • Ivy Claw
    August 7, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Having read mainly some of your earlier works, I expected more when I first started reading this. However, First impressions are not always the best to go by. The message and the flow of the words gradually improve throughout the poem. I suppose it could possibly be a subconscious effort to portray the climax as a hidden surprise. Absolutely one of your best once you let it sit and soak in.


  • The Squeeze
    August 7, 2007
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    Excellent, my first comment in ages on something worthwile, absoluetly fanatisci


  • ShadowFox
    August 7, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    I loved this. The description, the entire poem, was amazing.


  • Salt Therapy
    August 7, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Wow, this is extremely well written Kat. My favourite by you thus far. You have incredible talent, and a phenomenal voice that speaks to me through your poetry.

    The blood soaked lining

    Of the ebony coffin

    Her favourite colours

    Dressed in robes of ivory

    Claret red lips

    Alabaster beauty

    Long hair of the Raven

    A crimson and pearl rose held

    In the tiny hands of the



    Innocent

    That last part. Fabulous. There is nothing wrong with this poem. Seriously. It's flawless.


  • Thedamned77
    August 7, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Totally constructive

    I really like this!! This is an incredibly descriptive poem feeled with angst. But it's not your angst. it's written as someone on the outside looking in. which is cool but at the same time it doesnt hold the same urgent emotion. but honestly? I LOVE it!!! Keep writing. oh, and if you have time head to my site and tell me what you think of SILENCED and WAR. that would be great. but again...love it!


  • MagicaI
    August 7, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    So it came in a dream. But.. Emo much?

    I ma not know what CONTRUSTIVE means, but oh well. I'll do my best. So I'm seeing red everywhere, and black. And the crimson red pearl. Here's my emotional response with this. I think that things were getting bit 'red' if you know what I mean. The title, well I suppose at first impression it was going to be filled with white. Till' now. But now, I was starting to like it. I hate mentioning this, but i would like to rephrase the last line. It would seem kind of like a ritual. And by the way, the first lines and last lines we good. Even though I would suggest a bit of rephrasing. But I didn't except this from you. But I see nothing needs to improve beacause it's great. ^_^ Other than that, everything looks good. And I like your bg too. It's..red n' bloody.

    ~Aydrien


  • Redstormy gold member
    August 6, 2007

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    I really struggle understanding this trend of self harm. I have a good friend who does it though.
    Well expressed


  • OutsideTheMirror
    August 6, 2007

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    It's very, very, very beautiful... but somehow, it doesn't feel, I think. I self injured for years (finally on the mend), but, to me, this one shows the mind and body, but not the soul. This poem is almost too beautiful--- it leaves the reader in awe, when maybe it should leave behind a touch of pain. Even just a line or two could alter the entire poem.

    Hope this helps

    .:Marie:.


  • Naridill gold member
    August 6, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I think you have the description down packed but are lacking alot of emotion. But not lacking enough to be a non emotional piece. I really think there may even be too many adjectives for such a small piece.


  • PassionsPromise gold member
    August 6, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Well as constructive as your going to get from me is OMGGGGGG you had ne on the edge of my seat with this one., Powerful read..so dark...ohh wow. great job
    best wishes


  • Glamorous
    August 6, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Nice Imagery

    This is pretty. Quite morbid but I like it that way. Good job, Kat.

  • requiempoet gold member
    August 6, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I like this alot. Very beautiful in a sick and twisted way but hey, that's how it always is right. Death is never beautiful, neither is cutting...but on paper, this is simply beautiful.


  • Creaticity
    August 6, 2007

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    This is great!

    Well kat this poem is stunning, it just speaks to me. This is a really wonderful poem and your vocabulary is amazing. The backround really complments it and it just all flows together. I love it Kat, Great job.


  • Kristen Corpse
    August 6, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Well, I'm not too sure about stanza breaks, dear, but other than that, mesmerizing. I love the background and the effect of the bleeding rose. [perhaps center it so it doesn't look so crowded?] The words "Alabaster", and "sleeps in anguish"...shere brilliance. Be glad you didn't blow it off. Wonderful write, Kat. Keep up the good work.

    Love always,
    Kristen ♥

    • Trial and Error
      August 6, 2007

      Edit | Reply
      I know what you mean about the stanzas...I tried to do two nine line stanzas but I couldn't come up with anything. I may go back and change it this weekend, if I can keep up with my inspiration streak.
      Thanks


  • rockerella510
    August 6, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    nice

    its relly interesting to me.... iono why........i loved it......major props.


  • Tekno Suicide
    August 6, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    You told me to read?

    Anyway,I like this. It spooked me a bit I'll say that,which hasn't happened in quite awhile.
    Flows well I believe,and is very,very imaginitive


  • TheSimplestImbecile
    August 6, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    So very imagery rich, a very beautifully crafted poem, well shaped, well written. Very good word choice throughout! well done Kat


  • Wild-N-Wiccan
    August 6, 2007

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    I see what you mean, it flows very well, I like the poem. It made me think of some other ones I have been toying with writing, ah well. The format is beautiful, the imagery is stunny, and your vocabulary is suberb!

    Nothing less from you, Kat!




  • JustDavey
    August 6, 2007

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    wow. stunning. i have not read a poem of this magnitude in a fair while. keep up the good work Trial. ive had my fair share of days like this

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