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Depression's Diner

Roses fall into
wasteland,
turning to noxious
vapor-

I bleed confusion
into heartache,
sealing contract
with agony-

Twisted on fork
of depression,
I am fed to
ravenous beasts-

[Blue plate special]

Swallowed by pain,
I slide down throat
of darkness,
filling the belly
of hopelessness-

Remaining until

...death

Author notes

POD

A contest entry

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Comments


  • Freed by Mercy silver member
    August 6, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    "Twisted on fork
    of depression,
    I am fed to
    ravenous beasts-

    [Blue plate special]

    Swallowed by pain,
    I slide down throat
    of darkness,
    filling the belly
    of hopelessness-

    Remaining until

    ...death"

    This portion goes well with your tile, and you stay within one strong metaphor here. Well done!


  • Arkbear gold member
    August 6, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Very nice ~

    I must let you know right up front...I can

    not give a thorough review of everything about this poem,

    as AP has been freezing up on me allll day ~

     

    I just closed the contest...you barely made it ~

     

    Loved your Theme ~

     

    Loved the depth ~

     

    Flow is very nice ~

     

    Sit & ponder affect...one of the best ~

     

    However...I do wish you had taken advantage of all your 20 lines ~

     

    You were making a Grrreat statement, and pulling me into your write,

    but then you dropped me for some reason ~

     

    This is really clever work  ~

     

    You almost knocked someone out of a Trophy ~

     

    Score:  92