Yesterday I walked along
the beaches of my mind.
I collected all the pretty shells,
the biggest memories I could find.
I’ve heard that if you hold them tight
against your battered soul
the ocean’s sound will fill the void
till once again you’re whole.
I found an abalone with your name
carved into its damaged back.
I lifted it and cried a bit,
just staring at that crack.
I wondered if I’d put it there
amidst the other nicks and chips.
So with regret I lifted it
and held it to my lips.
A kiss and wish can never mend,
let alone try and erase
the pain we’ve etched in error,
flakes no one can replace.
But I pressed the shell into my chest
where it made a perfect fit.
I sank it deep into my flesh...
and it didn’t hurt a bit.
I carry you there now, today
as I think where you might be,
and though we’re reaching ‘cross an ocean...
I know you’re still there to complete me.
Author notes
This was supposed to be a birthday poem but didn't quite turn out that way. It's still for that same special person though, with my love and wishes for a very happy day.
Love you still,
~J.
photo from photobucket.com by dreamonmissy
POW
A contest entry
- The POW ~* ~* by Arkbear.
500 points, ended August 12, 2007, 9 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Talk To Me Of Love by Heavenly Angel.
475 points, ended May 19, 2008, 11 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 36 of 36
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Delightful
I can smell the ocean
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" But I pressed the shell into my chest
where it made a perfect fit.
I sank it deep into my flesh...
and it didn’t hurt a bit. "
You placed it where it belonged, in you heart.
I remember this so well, it has always been one
of my favorite from you.
It is so sincere, sweet and loving with no end.
Sometimes people or just a person are placed in our life to live in our heart forever, in when they are no longer around.
I can't explain how much I love this piece or how much it has touched me, because at one time I could relate.
This piece is so sweet, your words are beautiful.
I enjoyed this more this time around.
Thanks for reminding me of it.
Loveandblessings2u & yours always
Love You Big Time,
Joyce
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The imagery in this is so beautiful. Thank you very much for sharing it with me. I can see why it won a golden cup.
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Wow
a more beautiful piece I've yet to find. can 't find any other words to describe this except "Wow!"
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simply beautiful
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Awesome!
WOW, Sis! I am bookmarking this! Beautiful picture and beautiful. deep feelings of emotion..I feel your pain, and I feel you in every word! Beautiful rhyme and flow...Exceptional write!
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Wow
Your a very good poet...your poems have alot of depth. I cant really comment on the actual poem...it was way to....WOW for me. But. Kudos.
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very beautiful this poem shows love we 'hold' dear for those we care. congratulations on the gold trophy.
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Sooo beautiful
Your heart spoke its' thoughts so wonderfully; so beautifully
Thank you for sharing; the best of luck to you in this contest! -
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Thank you so much for the lovely compliment by giving me the gold! I know you had a lot of beautiful entries, so I'm very honored.
TY for hosting a great contest.
Best wishes and hopes that love will always treat you kindly,
~J.
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WOW. Impressive imagery and emotion in this piece. I loved it. I thought it was outstanding up until the end. Only the last stanza was weak, but that's only because the previous one were so vivid with imagery and metaphor.
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Lovely image
What a lovely image and you followed it through so well. I enjoyed the poem and the images it provoked. It certainly gave me food for thought.
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This is beautiful! The rhyme and the meter are so well developed. A truly mature poem.
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This is very lovely. I like the wording and depth of emotion behind it. I especially like the words..'the beaches of my mind'...conjures up the flow and ebb of our thoughts and memories.
I like the picture and this poem fits nicely with it.
Congrats. on the Silver!
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I love it ~ it has emotions and it's full of life grand imagery and flow thank you for entering
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Masterpiece
Oh, Trista~
This is absolutely beautiful, truly and irrevocably. There is unspeakable tenderness weaved into every line, and love, and hope, and (?) nostalgia.
The images you painted with your poetical palette are simple, but very powerful, so powerful that when I came to the last line I felt my heartbeat fasten. My own memories flooded my mind, and sat there for a while in a kind of reverie. I remember very few poems that touched me in the same manner - so deeply and gently.
An extended metaphor it seemes - but I don't even want to call your poem that awfully formal literary term - as it feels so natural and alive. It is kind of like a coral reef, which appears nought but multicolored stalagmites - but it lives and breathes.
The rhyme is not perfect, and that's among the advantages, the winning points of the poem. Were it perfectly rhymed and formed it would've lost most of its charm and personality - kind of like translating it into another language - same words but none of the old feel.
The poem made a perfect match for me. Thank you for that.
And a special thank you for the last lines - they are stuck in my memory - like an incantation. I learned the poem is intended to be a dedication, so didn't expect it to become my favourite.
Thanks for being so generous with your talent and soul.
With love,
Jan
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Beautiful
This is well done and such a lovely and wonderful piece. well crafted and the flow is luch and rich. Beautifully done Trista. Great Job.
*Go with God*, my frien,
Valerie
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Fantastic!!!
This was truly an amazing piece! This was really well written, so well in fact that I never picked up on the suttle rhyme till reading other reviews!
Best of luck in the contest!
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Oh Trista ~
Absolutely splendid ~
I got goosebumps the second time I read this as well ~
What can one say about this entry ~
I do, however, wish you would have taken the amount of time you had,
and really searched this entry for any *loose ends*
This is the prettiest entry thus far, and a Gem of a write ~
I had the pleasure of reading this before, and it has
not lost the gentlness and calming affect with such power
from the first time I read it ~
All I am going to say, is if you pen me anything less the next time
you enter the POW or the POM......or the POD, I will hit
you so hard on errors it will make your head spin!
hehe ~
I can see you and another Poets are going to go
head to head in the Finals, however, the inability to follow Rules
is what made you lose out on 1st place ~
Arrgggg!!!
Now THAT Sux!
However............well done Trista ~
Here are your scores..>>
Great write!
Bear ~
Flow 9.5
Topic 10
Depth 10
Theme 10
Feelings 10
Grammar 9
Presentation 10
Uncommonness 10
Sit & Ponder Affect 9.5
Ability to follow Rules 9
Bears Score: 97
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Dear Bear...
I promise, promise, PROMISE...the next time I enter one of your contest I will not do it under the influence of pain killers, and will read the rules a dozen times over.
You were very kind, and again, I appreciate that so much. It is one of the things that makes a good contest host, a great contest host.
Your critique is one I will treasure - I am almost in tears because this is a poem that means more to me than any other I've written, and comes from the deepest part of my heart. I thank you for the trophy - it really matters not what color it is - but most of all I thank you for your appreciation of the poem itself.
Best always,
~J. -
Hi Bear...
I hope it is okay that I entered this after you made your comment. If there is any problem simply remove it or let me know and I will do so. Either way, I thank you so much for your wonderful review.
Best always,
~J.
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This brings a lump to my throat, it is so beautiful and filled with longing, sadness yet the love come through most of all. I feel for you, friend. God Bless.
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you still make my heart flutter every time I think of you and see that you still think of me!!! love you!
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How could I NOT think of you...??? That would be like...not breathing.
I'm so glad you had a chance to read this...
Love,
~J.
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This is beautiful!!! Reminds of something that I have said, and been told. Great job on this one!! Love the picture, works well with this one! Keep them coming!!!!
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This was so pretty
I liked the imagery a lot, and the picture was a perfect addition.
You always write such beautiful poems, and this is definately one of many.
It was easy to understand and I could feel emotion while reading it.
Yesterday I walked along
the beaches of my mind.
I collected all the pretty shells,
the biggest memories I could find.
I love those beginning 4 lines!
I think they're so creative. It really ties the picture and the poem together right away so it all makes perfect sense.
I really adore how the pretty shells are just like memories.
I love the ending!!!
I carry you there now, today
as I think where you might be,
and though we’re reaching ‘cross an ocean...
I know you’re still there to complete me.
You had strength throughout the whole poem and that's great. The rhyming you used wasn't forced, which is awesome. I think that the whole flow really compliments the poem too.
This was definitely worth reading
Love yas,
Your AP Daughter
~Poetrydove~
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its perfect.
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Awesome!!!
I love this uniquely original poem, which masterfully reveals painful regrets, real human emotions, and tender feelings, all woven into cherished memories of a loved one within this stylish presentation. I am very impressed with your skillful use of metaphor, and your outstanding visuals are absolutely stunning - this is one of the best poems I've read in a long time!!! I'm going to bookmark this award-winning poem!!! Great job - have you thought of entering this piece in a contest yet?!!? Take care and write on, Poet!!! Peace, Cyn
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Good, Real Good
*I could feel the image of the shell being pressed into my flesh, what release. Check out my page, I have some really solid stuff too.
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Good, Real Good
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Very good
Yes within the mind our souls do play so wishing for that perfect way to bring dreams back to our plain of life
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Great....very very very good!
I could feel the emotion....it really got to me!! I felt the love you had for that person, and the hurt and sadness when they left.....very good! I loved it! -
Spectacular picture...surrealistic and intriguing. And you poem works nicely in counterpoint to it, not a caption to an illustration but as a simultaneous take on imagery.
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~J.
It's so beautiful,
just like I knew it would be.
I know how deep the feelings run,
for some reason this has really touched my heart today.
I knew ahead of time it was coming, but I was expecting something else.
But this is even better.
I know without a doubt, that it will mean a lot to the person it is written for.
That " Love you still " part,
you will always.
I believe.
Loveandblessings2u & yours always
Love you,
Joyce
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Excellent
I carry you there now, today
as I think where you might be
And though we’re reaching ‘cross an ocean…
I know you’re still there to complete me
Love the tendernass of this
Lovely words for a birthday
We should all be loved so well
Rick
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