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Faint Whisper in the Mountain

I am a faint whisper in the mountain,

just a gentle whistle in the night.

I am a soft splash in a garden fountain,

the sound of a baby bird in flight.

I am a kiss from a stolen youth,

I am the gentle promise of spring.

I am the trickle of untold truth,

the bird who has ceased to sing.

I am a single petal softly swaying,

the dog that's laid down to rest.

I am the first born silently playing,

the mother chick laying on her nest.

I am many a thing in this world today,

each as invisible and silent as the next.

Though each as important I have to say,

but I'm abandoned - alas what do you expect? 

 

Author notes

Please DO NOT mention my name whist commenting. This is an anonymous contest and should remain so until contest has ended *aka when trophy is shown*.

In a list

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 15 of 15

  • Lady Michaella
    February 11
    Edit | Reply
    wow.. stunning. all those trophies deserved
    ~
    '
    -Lemon Bee-
    xx

  • piccola silver member
    August 12, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I really love the first stanza. Congrats on all the trophies btw. As I was saying, the first stanza caught me and I think it's rhyme and flow are great, after that though it loses a little something in the flow. I counted syllables and in some places it is off so it stumbles. You could make it a wonderful poem with a little more work ... but you already have so many trophies you probably don't feel the need. It could just be me too ?


  • Legend silver member
    February 20, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I enjoyed this read I have to say it brought to mind a piece i read years ago called " Do Not Stand At My Grave And Weep" that had a similar refrain to it. This though is a poem on its own right Good luck in the contest
    Please do not reply to this comment as i wish to keep the contest Anonymous If you have not entered your second poem please do so making sure to name this one in your authors notes Thank you

  • Legend silver member
    February 11, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Thank you for your entry


  • ExpectingMommy18
    October 25, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    this was a great write you did wonderful

    thank you for entering and good luck in the contest!!

  • givemetheworld
    September 28, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    your trophies on this piece are very well deserved. i can see why so many have loved this as i do! great write!


  • Lick On Her1275
    September 15, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    a very great way to express your poetic side and the creativity and the format of it all was very nice it was a pleasure to have me read your contest entry


  • misticmoonlite gold member
    September 14, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    THIS is quite good also many nice pictures painted and entwined in here,nature is really nice images to penn,good luck in this contest..MM


  • heygoo
    September 4, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    This is a lovely heed to the small-unnoticed things in life. The wording of the second to last line seemed a bit off to me. Nice job with this.


  • Kimojuno
    September 1, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    The background gives me a headache.

    You know I like this and I understand the last line, because despite everything someone does for us we pretend like we never needed them in the first place. The poem sort of has a 'higher being' tone to it, as if God is speaking, but further then that I love how you mentioned the small things in life how each has a role and how each IS as important as the next-whether it be a dog, a boy, or even a mother chick; each life as important as them all.

    Wonderfully done;
    Jeff.


  • Ray Von
    August 26, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I wish I hadn't scrolled down to see you had already won a trophy for this, even though I'm not suprised!!
    This was stunning!
    Maria


  • Epilogue
    August 20, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I really enjoyed your entry. I liked the series of metaphors you've set up as an explation of self. I didn't so much care for the final stanza though, I thought maybe the impact would be better without it for some reason.


  • Asylaarix
    August 6, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I really loved the way you expressed the prompt in this piece ... It was unique and experssed very well ... The form was inmpressive ... and the way you used your words was so umbundantly clear ... "But I'm abandoned - alas what do you expect?" My favorite line ... It shows emotion, and it shows imagery ... The whole write ... elaborated ... and then came together at the end ... Very beautifully penned ... Good Luck ... SparkehKiss


  • Kindredblood
    August 6, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    I kept reading the poem over and over, each time I came to the end and a different meaning I found.
    Not many poems have I read that leave a person thinking at the end.
    A display of emotions flow throughout, a mystery unfolds yet that leads to many endings, excellent poem.

1 - 15 of 15