The sky broke out in crimson
Between a hostile atmosphere.
As I watched the stars exploding
And shed a thousand crystal tears.
I sensed the earth stop moving
As your words ripped the sky apart.
Felt king sorrow punching craters
Through the moon's transparent heart.
And the harlequin of dreamers
In his vivid shade of hue.
From time to time revisits
With haunting thoughts of you.
You said that you were leaving
But how our love would carry on
No need to express crocodile tears
for months I felt you had gone
Said the cards were on the table
And there could be no turning back.
Watched you fumble with the reasons
As you stole the joker from the pack.
Then you told me of the wizard
Casting spells deep in your mind.
how the questions kept on turning
While the true answers fell behind.
So as I turned to face the music
The sad old jester came to play.
all the truth that I'd been hiding from
Stood right before me cloaked in grey.
And the harlequin of dreamers
With crystal ball of fears
Conjures misty visions
Stained with lost love tinted tears.
In a list
A contest entry
- Be inspired by Keith Reid's A Whiter Shade of Pale by StrawberryKisses.
400 points, ended August 20, 2007, 2 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - BLOW MY MIND UP by Swan song.
1000 points, ended August 26, 2007, 20 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - My favorite poem!!! by Lola Green.
530 points, ended November 23, 2007, 51 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Anything you like =] by Tilted-Misschief.
550 points, ended March 6, 2008, 41 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Let The Sun Shine;;Or The Earth Cool, Happiness And Pain;; All The Same Game (The Best Of The Best) by HereComesTheSun.
575 points, ended August 12, 2008, 32 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Prewrite-palooza by swim.x.
1650 points, ended October 6, 2008, 101 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Almost Anything by piccola.
550 points, ended June 22, 39 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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And the harlequin of dreamers
In his vivid shade of hue.
From time to time revisits
With haunting thoughts of you.
Love this stanza especially. Fine discriptives throughout. Thank you for entering. -
swallows dry
brushes bristles from skin
Kudos!
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that was fantastic
i really liked this piece because it means so many things and how the reader takes it is up to them i really just enjoyed the whole read great job in finalists for sure
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Slighty weird, but very well done!
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Thankyou very much for your comments. It's supposed to be weird lol...was originally written for a contest * A whiter Shade Of Pale * by Procol Harem....which is a weird song in itself.
Shaz xx
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Eerie and really well written. Good work.
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Very nice. I'd say a possible winner here ^_^
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what I really like in this poem is that you actually managed to capture all those images within the lines
I love that in poetry
the rhyming is done pretty good too and the flow seems to be flawless as well
Thank you for entering the contest - I wish you the best of luck!
Leander -
This was very interesting. A great read. Very poetic with the metaphores and wording. I can see the inspiration from "A Whiter Shade of Pale" Good job.
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The vocabulary you used was fantastic, as was the overall theme involving harlequins and jesters. A beautiful write. It definitely deserved those trophies!
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Speechless
Wow! I'm speechless. i can't remember the last time I read a poem so perfectly penned that I had nothing to say! Thank you for sharing!
-Tim
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Thank you for such lovely comments.
Shaz xx
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wow! definitely an incredible piece. very sad but i especially love the first verse... keep up the great writing,
hugs,
georgie,
xxx -
Stunning
Stunning writing again here. I love the rhyme and flow of the piece. I love the imagery that this holds within my mind. This piece carried me away with it. A wonderful piece of work. Keep writing.
All the best
Wayne
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Thank you, you are very kind and encouraging.
Shaz xx
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I enjoyd reading this it is very well written and well rhymed I will look forward to reading this spoem again
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That is honestly the best read I have ever seen on this site..you are right on target....This song has special meaning to me, and I was almost scared to read what people wrote around it. Im so glad I did...well done and best of luck
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Hat's off to the Princess
you nailed it to the door
Smashing - simply smashing
Top notch - Chickie
Good Luck
B D
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Thank you so much! I must say that your words have truly enchanted me, I'm so glad that you, the very first entrant to my contest, has already been able to write me a piece that is truly wonderful! Very well done, I especially like the last two stanzas. I can only hope that others will be able to match the quality and style of this amazing poem, but this is only so that I will be able to read more of this greatness. Once again, thank you!
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Great story told in these words - liked the flow, rhtyhm, rhyme and visuals one gets when reading this. Easy to read and understand, good title and a sure winner in my books. Very good interpretation of the song set to inspire. Loved this when it came out - the music and the message in the original words. Yours hit the nail right on the head.
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a wonderful piece you penned here. I never read it but sure will now. This was full great detail, the rhyme and flow were perfect. Bravo to you. Sure seems we are looking upon a piece worthy of the gold.
Tory
Best of luck to you friend.
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Your words are so hauntingly beautiful! The rhyme is impecable! Wonderfully written and tears at the heart. It is an enchanting tale, Thank you for sharing and good luck in the contest!
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great write.
Good luck in this contest. You may be a winner.
Smile,
Judy
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sweetie, love the words and how you made them sound, i forgot what thats called but this is wounderful, i love it bunches best wishes to you in the contest great wright indeed...xoxoxox -
Your poem is beautiful,soft and gentle and it's also very gracefully written. The lines flow together and you've wrote a really touching poem. There is a hint of darkness in there and i think it makes the work seem even better.
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