Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read • Contests • Groups • Learn • Forums • Store • Help
 

Silent Cost

Under the silent moon
upon the silvery path
late in the afternoon
you can not feel my wrath

Eyes that call so loudly
in their silent longing
showing pain so proudly
never belonging

Face that’s bland and lost
no speech will ever come
never realized the cost
or what she would become


Author notes

POD

Anynomus contest Please do not mention my name

In a list

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments


  • Arkbear gold member
    August 6, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Valerie ~

    I will explain why this contest is not

    anonymous right now, later ~

     

    I think this is a very nice entry...

     

    ...however, I do agree with Criss on taking

    full advantage of your 20 lines ~

     

    My Co-Judge, Criss, is not familiar with your work ~

     

    Please have a bit of patience with All

    of us as we go through a transition of learning

    from each other and how we approach

    each Poet and their own styles ~

     

    I, for one, know that you are passionate about Rhyme,

    but...my Co-Judge does not seem to enjoy it as much ~

    ....but that's okay....maybe it's time to

    try something out of your comfort zone....maybe

    you'll be brave and stick to what you know best ~

     

    Please know, that this is why I recruited 3 more Judges to help ~

     

    I have been told a bunch of nasty stuff by some Poets,

     

    ....many don't like the way I Judge....and the

    last thing I want is to have this contest shut

     down because of complaints ~

     

    I can not give a thorough critique now, as AP is having

    BIG time problems staying awake for me ~

     

    It has taken me 6 hours to Judge just these few entries ~

     

    However....because of your ability to present good work

    and follow Rules, and you also take me somewhere

    different each time....and my other Judges,

    with the exception of Criss, have not been trained yet,

    as to what we are looking for in the POD, POW & POM ~

     

    Your score:   97

     

     

    Bear ~


  • Whispering Wind Moderators member
    August 6, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    OH! MY! this is powerful...never realized the cost or what she had become...face that is bland and lost...such a feel of saddness and  doom thank you  so much for sharing and good luck


  • crisstiena
    August 6, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Hmmm...

     

    I would really have liked to have seen this poem

    expanded with more use of visuals and metaphor..

    It seems to me to be rather ordinary and I am

    by self-admittion, no fan of rhyme.. (sorry)

     

    However..

    You have stuck to the rules and the presentation,

    grammar, punctuation

    are faultless.

     

    I just wish this would give me that little bit more to sit and ponder.

     

    I will consult with my fellow judges to see if

    this piece will make the finals.

    It would also still be advisable to ask your

    friends not to mention your name in any comments.

     

    Good luck in the POD

     

    ~ crisstiena ~


  • RuLives4GodOnly
    August 6, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Wow! sounds so sad! You describe her very well. I liked this a lot!