Heart strings-
strum in silence.
Reposed,
beside you I wept.
A few minutes ago,
I witnessed-
a handful of stars die.
Now, all that is left-
your sheet of sunlight,
and my broken heart.
`
Author notes
Phrase: "Dead at sunrise"
Written August 6, 2007
A contest entry
- PIF Quickie 10/10/30 by penman.
1000 points, ended August 6, 2007, 10 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - pif - Enter your best quickie pre-write by tara wilson.
1200 points, ended September 20, 2007, 36 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Prewrites! by aeolia.
380 points, ended January 19, 2008, 116 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
-
This one is good,, short and raw.. Loved the ending.
-
Beautiful.. the imagery and the feelings with which penned.. I'm not sure what stars connoted here.. but it still made a lovely read. We all have our own 'stars' Thank you.. Lovely.
-
mmm I like this allot!!
Strumming the heart strings.. Clever!
Really sad, but a concentration of pain!!
-
there is something about the haiku like simplicity of this poem, yet with a startling depth. i was not very optimistic at reading the first few lines but the overall poem surpassed my expectations. well done indeed!!!
-
the title was very catching.
Ummm alam niyo po ba ung akdang ganito rin ang pamagat alam niyo po pareho halos ang mensahe nito sa akdang naturan.
Siyanga po pala salamat sa imbitasyon sa inyong patimpalak.
-
Well, Mister!
I haven't been this psyched about a poem in a while and this is the little gem that you're using to inspire entries in your contest- well chosen.
I appreciated the brevity of this- a few carefully selected words to paint beautiful and heart breaking picture. Its simplicity, I feel, is what really makes the content all the more poignant.
I love it. Thank you for this piece of beauty.
xxx
-
This poem was a breath taker. The last few lines were profoundly sad and yet very beautiful. Well done!
-
This is sad and the pain is felt,
tears of losts
overehelm the heart
causing rivers
new breath in life
best wishes.
Riftkin -
This is wonderful, I see why it won a trophy, I love the metaphor of music with love. The flow is smooth and fast
Kaayaaya
Love,
Amera♥
.
-
I loved this poem. So full of imagery and emotion. Congratulations on the trophy.
-
Beautiful in its brevity and sadness - I understand this so very well...
~ Nicolette
-
"A few minutes ago,
I witnessed-
a handful of stars die.
Now, all that is left-
your sheet of sunlight,
and my broken heart."
This is dark, but what I like here is that you have managed to make it so beautiful, wonderful imagery, thank you for this entry
-
Wonderful
Very well done. Good luck in the contest.
Adding your comment:
1 - 13 of 13
