died a little

I died a little last night,
cried a few tears,
felt selfish, and angry,
worried and scared,
and cried one more tear before I hid it away.

I wont speak of it now,
I don't want to cry,
and I don't want to feel the pain,
feeling selfish, and hopeless.

I feel like there's being so much asked of me,
I don't want to  decide,
I don't want to say goodbye,
but I don't want to be selfish.

Of course it hurts,
I'd rather die than make a choice,
but in the end there's nothing I can do for you,
can't make you better no many how many times I pray.

Never believed in god,
you told me I would one day,
laughed and said your crazy,
now on my knees I pray.

I pray for your health,
I pray for you,
I pray not to be scared anymore,
and to know what to do.

I don't think I can do it, I never said I was strong, I'm weak, I'm still to young,

just selfish excuses for you to stay.

I love you, 

and I hurt

because I love you

and never want to let go,

and have to say good bye.

It shouldn't happen,

not yet,

not now,

and now I know I've died a little