It’s another night I can’t sleep and it’s all because of you, it’s all because of your…I hate every minute of this fight make a fist and hit the lights because its all your fault, it’s all your fault and it’s what you can’t see and its what you can’t feel, its what you can’t be and it’s never so real as when it’s late at night and I’m thinking to much, craving your taste and missing your touch and all the memories I can recall, they all seem so old, like your lips touching hers and the burn in my soul and the fire in my heart is ignited again and I have to wonder if this hurt has an end. I hear her voice pleading innocence but my thoughts aren’t making sense I love you for certain, but a little too soon as I hear the news of upending doom. It’s inevitable when you’re as young as we are that every mistake will become a scar but how is it fair that I’ve done nothing wrong and you’ll sleep peaceful, all night long while I’m plagued by thoughts of wandering hands, how long can it last, how much can I stand? I’m biting my lip and I taste the blood, the tear-filling eyes are threatening to flood, the bile is coming, and I feel it now, shaking and trembling as I fall to the ground. Everything hurts and everything can tell I’m putting myself through my own kind of hell, torment and unsettled thoughts will not rest, as I try to give forgiveness my best but all I can see is the hands that aren’t mine clasped into yours, frozen in time in a picture I’ve tried so hard to forget, but as hard as I try, I can’t let go yet. I’ve given you all that I have to give, I’ve given you my life to live, I want you to have it, so don’t hand it back. I'm fighting to breathe until my vision goes black so please, just hold my hand as I avoid your eyes, there’s too much pain not quite concealed in mine and you’ll smile and ask me is something wrong? Kissing my forehead, this moment’s so long, and I could spill my heart, but it wouldn’t be fair, you wouldn’t understand and you wouldn’t care. You’ve moved on, and you refuse the blame, saying it was a mistake, won’t happen again, and besides it meant nothing, and it’s over now, you say I can trust you, but please tell me how when these lies echo for hours until I can’t think at all, this window is foggy and the shadows are tall and its another night I won’t close my eyes for fear of the images my imagination will find. I can’t turn to reason, logic left long ago, I guess your reassurance is all I can know but I can’t go on like this, you can see it sometimes when the smiles I smile aren’t quite mine. It’s those moments, you should know, that I think of this, the frozen-time picture in which you kiss lips that aren’t mine, with your eyes closed tight, and a look on your face like everything’s right. I hated it then, and I hate it now, and I’m trying to forgive but I don’t know how.
Adding your comment: